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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Torn in two.
smackeylove
♀ New Member
Member # 42041
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just found out yesterday that my fiancÚ of three years cheated with my best friend 2 years ago after we had a fight and I moved back home for a while. They had both kept it from me from fear of losing me and ruining either relationship. I'm feeling really hurt and confused and am not sure what to do. I had asked them about a situation I found funny around the time things would have happened and it was a one night stand. They have both confirmed this. I'm really not sure what to do. I feel like I want to hate them both but I also can't.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Melbourne
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First of all sorry you had to find this website but it is really helpful. People have been great.

Friday night I walked in on my husband of 18 years and my best friend having oral sex while her husband watched.

They were all hammered and claim this was the only time. We have all been friends for a really long time.

After this my husband admitted to 2 one night stands 7 years ago when we were very close to a divorce.

I found out about all this less than 48 hours ago.

Night one he slept in the guest room. I really did not leave my room much. Cried and stayed on this forum all day, looking for solace.

Today I had him leave the house. We told our kids (11 & 16) together. Watching them cry just made it all so much worse but as I lay in bed in my house without my husband tonight I feel better than I did last night with him in the guest room. I get to be with my children now without walking on eggshells around the house avoiding him.

At first all I wanted to do was talk to her, she has been closer to me than any other female I have had in my life since my Aunt died many years ago. Less than 48 hours later I have no desire to speak to her.

My now ex best friend has been texting me she is sorry. Sorry for destroying a family or for sucking my husband's cock?

Look at the healing library. There is lots of great info there.

Drink water and take deep breaths and tell yourself YOU WILL BE OK.

Hugs!


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 209 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
smackeylove
♀ New Member
Member # 42041
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was quite lucky that I was already back at my parents after an issue over Christmas so I don't have to worry about the walking on eggshell parts. I'm do sorry for you and your children :( big hugs to you all.

Do you hope you can work it out?


Posts: 2 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Melbourne
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the club that nobody wanted to join. But fortunately, we have a lot of great people who can help guide you through this.

Right now, you're in shock. Trust me, you will feel plenty once the shock wears off. I believe a spouse cheating is one of the most painful things you can go through. It rocks your very foundation and makes you question your own judgement. You will basically go through all the stages of grieving. It is necessary, there is a process that you go through to help you heal.

So you are dealing with two betrayals, a "best" friend and your "husband" who we will refer to from this point forward WH (Wayward Husband). Under Guidelines or the Healing Garden, there is a list of abbreviations that will help navigate your way through this site.

What you need to do is surround yourself with a support group. Always remember that their side will be skewed in your favor. Don't make any rash decisions until you've had a chance to calm down and think about this rationally. (I know easier said than done.) Right now, with emotions heightened, it is the worst time to make decisions. If you must have him in another room, or out of the house for awhile while you think is perfectly acceptable. Remember, at anytime during this process, you feel yourself sliding into a dark hole, go to the doctor and tell them so they can give you something to help get through this pain. Be sure to drink water and try to eat as much as you can at this point.

If you haven't started journaling, I suggest you start doing that now. Don't worry about what you're going to write, just let it flow (be sure to date each entry) and as you go through this process, you will see how far you have become. I wish I could tell you that it is easy, but I would be lying to you. I'm 5-1/2 months in and I broke down again today and having a rough time. Time makes it easier to bear, just be sure to find a good support network. Remember, we are all here and somebody can always help you.


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
Howie
♂ Member
Member # 41922
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its terrible, I know. Believe me.And lots of issues for you. Take your time, you have time to try to get some initial resolution.First, have they really come clean with you? You have every reason to be skeptical. Next- you wanted to build a life with your fiancee. Fine. Can she be trusted. A life of lies is the worst.She needs to be thoroughly sounded and you need to listen to your gut. Do you love her enough to go forward, without recrimination.
My advice--only that-cases differ, on the friend.You are not building a life with a friend. What is the future with a friend that would betray you? I'd say the friend has to go,be dropped.That's his fair punishment and the best insurance for your happy future.
Th pain is terrible.It gets slowly better.Life is good. Good luck with your fiancee.It might be a one off.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Jan 2014
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They had both kept it from me from fear of losing me and ruining either relationship.

And they still may have done that anyway. They kept a secret from you as two- excluded you. Not acceptable, obviously.
There cannot be a triangle. Someone has to go. You get to pick who.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Read here, check the library, and no quick decisions except to be supportive to yourself by treating yourself well.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
ZedLeppelin
♂ Member
Member # 40895
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Break up and move on.

There is another thread by "TheWrongedMan", and although his wife is still drip feeding him information there is still hope for them because she confessed.

In your case, you were the one that had to find out. Not only this, but there is no indication that they would have told you anyway despite having 2 years to do it. Imagine him looking into your eyes on your wedding day knowing damn well what he did.

Move on from both these people, and find someone who loves you and respects you.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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