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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Text
Destroyedlives
♂ New Member
Member # 41812
Question  Posted: 6:03 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it inappropriate to text people for support? I find some times hard to deal/cope with what I've done. Where I work I can't always get on line, I do have access to text. My BS, would have access to my text, though she says "I don't care anymore". I just get confused sometimes and need that little word of encouragement.


Me: 50 WS
Wife: 49 BS
Married:26yrs
Kids:1 from previous marriage, 3 with BS
DDay:Jan 2012

Your actions determine your outcome


Posts: 18 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Southeast
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Destroyedlives...

This is an area that you and your W must have a solid agreement on. If you both don't sit down and talk about it than I would recommend you don't start text conversations.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198282 | Registered: May 2002
dogg
♂ New Member
Member # 41995
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As long as she knows about it and you don't have your cell phone password protected I don't see the harm. But this is coming for a man who just got busted a little over a week ago. So keep that in mind.


If I could turn back time.

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2014
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As long as she knows about it and you don't have your cell phone password protected I don't see the harm

There is a lot of harm, even if she knows about it. They really need to have an agreement.

When emotions are this high, she may know about it but when push comes to shove, she could easily say "just because I knew about doesn't mean I agreed to it..." type thing. And with that, it starts all over again.

Communication is key when trying to sort through all this mess.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198282 | Registered: May 2002
DanteJace
♂ New Member
Member # 42017
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this the nut of your conundrum?:

As a wayward spouse, you'd like access to your support network (sometimes via txt msg), and feel that sometimes that should be a private matter between you and whoever you are turning to for support.

BUT having any private conversations is not conducive to the trust you are trying to rebuild with your wife... as how can she tell the difference between "support" and "starting to sneak around again"?

If so... that's a tough one. She MIGHT be able to see the need and agree for you to have your sources of private support. Can you come to a compromise, something like "if I am honest with you about WHO I'm contacting for bonafide support, will you be able to let me keep those conversations private?"

Basically, the only answer is it comes down to communication, as @DeeplyScared said.


.

Posts: 49 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: northeast US
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only place I am comfortable with FWH going to for support re:infidelity is here. Bc I have learned that if someone hasn't been through this, no matter how well meaning or marriage minded they may be, can give some really inaccurate advice.

Many, many people confuse "support" with "telling someone what they think they want to hear".

Here you will get the truth. Good, bad, ugly, or pretty. Bc we know first hand.

My BS, would have access to my text, though she says "I don't care anymore".

If she doesn't say, "Hey, great idea!", then I wouldn't do it.

Good luck.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been working on this issue myself. The only text requests for help I make are usually, "Please tell me everything is going to be ok." Unless I'm talking to my C. That seems acceptable to both of us. I get what I'm really looking for, and am not sharing details that belong between my BH and myself.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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