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User Topic: Well, I did it.... I broke up with him.
megs56
♀ Member
Member # 40791
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The title pretty much sums it up. This will be a pretty short post as I am pretty emotionally drained.

I broke up with my WBF tonight. It took me awhile to get to this decision, as my profile and posts show, but I needed to get to a certain place in my heart I guess. And I finally got there. I decided that I needed to love me, and breaking up was the only way I could do that. And I needed to heal and I wasn't healing with him.

Thank you everyone for the kind words, hugs, support, harshness when needed, etc. I appreciate every response that has ever been given to me.

I especially appreciate the advice that people gave me saying that's what they'd tell their daughter. That really hit home.

I know I'll be ok. I am strong. I already made it through everything that happened, I know I can make it through this.


Me: BGF - 29
Him: WBF - 32

I broke up with him and now I am trying to heal.

Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.


Posts: 118 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Sacramento, Ca
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really sorry you have to go through this pain, but Honey you did the right thing. ((((HUGS)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9293 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi megs

Congratulations!

It takes of courage to do that

And huge emotional energy as you noted.

Hope you start to feel better soon without the craziness you were living with him.

Of course it's sad too. Wishing you well!!!


Me BS 49,Him: narcissist! Truly. 5yr++ LTA. DDays 4/2013, 2/2014 true Jekyll Hyde. Planning escape from truly narcissistic abuser. Have ridden wicked emotional ride. Now teeter between disgust and abject pity.

Posts: 546 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
lonelymommyof2
♀ Member
Member # 42013
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I admire you, I really wish I was strong enough to do what I know deep down what I need to, and let him go for good. My heart is still way too in it :( good job on moving forward, lots of positivity sent your way


ME: 21
WH: 25
One 2 year old, one due in march.
D Day: 11/30/13
EA and PA with COW
currently in R

Posts: 51 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I admire your courage and strength, Megs. I wish I had more.of it myself.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4720 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Megs)))) It sounds like you have found peace with your decision. Better days ahead, honey. Focus on you and your healing.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24435 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kitty70
♀ Member
Member # 41939
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Megs. I'm so sorry. I did it too last night. Broke up. I have done it in the past but it never stuck. I've been building up to it but last night there was more evidence discovered, and that just pushed me over the edge to do it.

I read your story and mine is in some ways similar. My XWBF (wow I have to write x now) is a combat vet and younger than me. Boy he had me fooled. He never deployed while we were together but the extent of his cheating and other indiscretions is incredible.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Let's be survival buddies.


Me: BGF, 43
Him: WBF, 35
Together 9 years, moved in 8/15/2013

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jan 2014
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((megs)))

Take a day at a time.

Eventually you will be able to look back on this as a point in your life that gave you strength.

Go make a kick-ass life for yourself.

I am proud of you for doing what is in your heart.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3773 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((megs)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that takes a lot of courage. Like others, I admire your strength and wish I had some of my own. (((megs56)))


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

slight t/j -

((((kitty70))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24435 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kitty70
♀ Member
Member # 41939
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something else that helped me in the last couple of days was to think: a) detach from the love part: you can love someone and not have to be with them, b) after removing the love part, what's good/bad about the relationship? If the bad outweighs the good, then it might be pretty insightful.

I struggled with this for weeks/months/probably years really. This was the man I thought I would marry and spend my life with. We got along so well, rarely fought, incredible chemistry. He had all the qualities I wanted in a man. And it's all gone.

But I tell myself too that I deserve to be treated better than what he gave me. Being loyal, loving, attentive (without overbearing) and always there for him wasn't enough. It was his choice, as it is in your situation. I know it's tough...so so sorry.


Me: BGF, 43
Him: WBF, 35
Together 9 years, moved in 8/15/2013

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jan 2014
megs56
♀ Member
Member # 40791
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for all of your responses. They helped me feel better and I appreciate all of the hugs. :)

lonelymommyof2 and Ostrich80, I am sure both of you have more strength that you think. It took me a long time to get to this place, you both will get to a better place eventually. Hugs to both of you.

(((Kitty70))) I agree that we should be survival buddies. I am so sorry that you are going through this as well. But you sound strong and I know we can both get through this.

Thank you for your kind words, advice, and support.

This was the man I thought I would marry and spend my life with. We got along so well, rarely fought, incredible chemistry. He had all the qualities I wanted in a man. And it's all gone.

Wow!! I could of wrote that!

But like you said, we deserve to be treated better. Feel free to private message me anytime if you want to talk.

I'm sorry you are hurting and dealing with this. I'm sending you hugs and strength.


Me: BGF - 29
Him: WBF - 32

I broke up with him and now I am trying to heal.

Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.


Posts: 118 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Sacramento, Ca
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your a smart young woman. There is a world of abundance and love is out there waiting for you!

Kudos on loving you and putting your self respect first.

We know it hurts like hell but you will survive and thrive!

Sending you strength and clarity.

(((((megs56)))))


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Megs, you and Kitty are both wonderful women with a lot to offer some lucky honorable man. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4585 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
wanttogoforward
♀ Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you are done you just simply know it in your heart.... hugs to you.... it's difficult to come to the conclusion and then have the courage to move forward alone. We are often scared to go on alone. And yet, it's probably better than being with someone who disrespects you this much.

Enjoy some time with your girlfriends... reconnect with family... do some of the things you had been wanting to do but had neglected due to your relationship. Be responsible for just YOU for awhile and enjoy that freedom.


Posts: 1174 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
Kitty70
♀ Member
Member # 41939
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Skan. Megs, you made the right decision. I hope you are hanging in there tonite. I decided I'm going to eat some soup then head to the mall for some retail therapy. I can't just sit in this house being sad.

I hope you have a good friend to cheer you up. One of my best friends lives around the corner. Best decision to go over there last night. She was my cheerleader in reminding me that I'm a smart, caring, beautiful woman who deserves better, and that he was such an asshat for doing what he did. Really, just sick.

As she said, he took my time, my heart, and money, but don't let him take your hope. That resonated with me.


Me: BGF, 43
Him: WBF, 35
Together 9 years, moved in 8/15/2013

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jan 2014
megs56
♀ Member
Member # 40791
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your responses. The hugs and kind words really do help.

A bit of good news too - I got a promotion on Tuesday that I very much deserved. YAY! Tomorrow is my birthday - the big 30! I am going to spend most of the weekend with my family and some friends, and then next weekend I am going away for a 3-day weekend with 12 girl friends to celebrate. We will be doing a lot of shopping, wine tasting, and having fun. I am glad that I will be around a lot of people these first few weekends, I think that will help a lot.

Yesterday was probably the hardest day so far. I miss him, but I know I made the right decision. I am still doing pretty well considering. I am really sad, but also a lot happier than I have been in a long time (not sure if that makes sense). I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am so happy that I am not stuck in limbo anymore! I know I will be great. I think 30 will be a great year for me.

Kitty - I hope retail therapy helped a bit. I know that I am definitely going to do some this weekend. One of my best friends recently got a job close to where I live so she has been staying in my guest room for a bit while she finds a place to live, her being there has helped me SO much!

I am glad you have a best friend so close and I love what she told you. I hope you are holding up well. I've been thinking about you. (((kitty)))


Me: BGF - 29
Him: WBF - 32

I broke up with him and now I am trying to heal.

Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.


Posts: 118 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Sacramento, Ca
NoAnswers37
♀ Member
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So proud of you Megs, what an inspiration


Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something else that helped me in the last couple of days was to think: a) detach from the love part: you can love someone and not have to be with them, b) after removing the love part, what's good/bad about the relationship? If the bad outweighs the good, then it might be pretty insightful.

Omg this is brilliant ^^^^^
This really screams to me...this is what I need to do.
Thank you!!!


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4720 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 20

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