Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: heartbrokenmrsj (44312)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Porn not damaging?
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It damages everyone... Here's on awesome thing on Sexual Objectification, and "empowerment". And why I believe so many young girls are becoming OW.

http://www.upworthy.com/being-a-sex-object-is-empowering-oh-wait-no-it-s-not-here-s-why-2?c=ufb1

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 9:52 AM, January 14th (Tuesday)]


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2231 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Jesu
♂ Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I watch plenty of porn, and don't believe it's damaging to me in the slightest.


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I have a biased opinion on this subject because I was brutally awakened and then raped by my then-spousal unit after he watched about an hour of rape/hard-core porn. So, yeah, porn is damaging.

On a different note, just consider the following scenario.

You have a daughter, maybe 2-5 years old, maybe 10-12 years old. Your neighbor Joe-Bob, generally a very nice and helpful guy who you know has a porn habit because he's told you about it, comes over. He starts talking about how he just watched the hottest porn scene ever....and you need to leave but your daughter is asleep. Would YOU trust him left alone with your daughter after he's just watched an hour of porn, and you know he's going to be unsupervised with your kid?


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3688 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
1devastedmom
♀ Member
Member # 38399
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband says quitting porn was one of the best things he's ever done. He is a completely different man. He never thought he could do it, he says sex is way better than ever before. Porn isn't real sex. There is nothing pleasurable about what the man is doing. I think it gives men a false sense of what real women want and makes them think we're nuts for not liking it like the women in the movies (who are getting paid to pretend that they like it).

[This message edited by 1devastedmom at 6:08 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]


Me BS: 42
WH: 44
DDay- April 17, 2013
Married 22 years
3 children: 18, 15 & 9
Reconcilling

Posts: 132 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: 1devastedmom
Tickingtock
♀ Member
Member # 41411
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I watch plenty of porn, and don't believe it's damaging to me in the slightest.

Me too.

Would YOU trust him left alone with your daughter after he's just watched an hour of porn, and you know he's going to be unsupervised with your kid?

I would not leave my child with a man that walks into my house and talks to me, a woman, about his porn. Because boundaries are important.

But porn won't turn him into a child molester.


Me: 31, exBGF, now married

Posts: 149 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: West Coast, USA
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boundaries are put around things that are dangerous. If porn is OK, then folks watching it is OK, and that means everything about it is OK, right?

Wrong. Porn is not OK.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3688 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had a discussion about the Octomom in our Family Law class today. Apparently she's been charged with a crime for welfare fraud based upon some money she received for doing a porn film, or a strip show, or something. Not sure what. Everyone was kind of snickering about her doing a porno; "Too bad that she had to sink that low," "We always knew she was trash," etc.

I said, "Well, if any of you are watching porn, then it should be OK for her to perform in it. I mean, you can't have porn without actors, can you? So, if you're watching it, then it's OK for her to be doing it." Shut the class up right there on the spot and that includes the professor who started the conversation to begin with.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3688 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And, for those who think porn is OK, I wonder if you'd want your daughters, sisters, or mothers performing in it. Just sayin'


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3688 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Jesu
♂ Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I have a biased opinion on this subject because I was brutally awakened and then raped by my then-spousal unit after he watched about an hour of rape/hard-core porn. So, yeah, porn is damaging.
On a different note, just consider the following scenario.

You have a daughter, maybe 2-5 years old, maybe 10-12 years old. Your neighbor Joe-Bob, generally a very nice and helpful guy who you know has a porn habit because he's told you about it, comes over. He starts talking about how he just watched the hottest porn scene ever....and you need to leave but your daughter is asleep. Would YOU trust him left alone with your daughter after he's just watched an hour of porn, and you know he's going to be unsupervised with your kid?

Wait...are you suggesting that watching porn leads to pedophilia?

I do not have a daughter, and have no desire to have children, BUT...

Of course not. I was sexually abused by a family member when I was 5 years old. I could never contemplate leaving my children in the care of some random neighbour...whether they watched porn or not.


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
Jesu
♂ Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Porn isn't real sex.

You've never heard of amateur porn? Plenty of sex in porn to me looks like "real sex". I think the point you are trying to make is that it's a movie. They're acting for entertainment. Mature adults have the ability to differentiate between fantasy and reality. We do it with regular films, video games, music, books etc. Porn is no different.

Now, obviously there are some people that do have a problem with it, like addiction. It doesn't make it all instantly bad and damaging for everyone though. Porn can certainly be consumed healthily and in moderation by many...myself included.


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
Jesu
♂ Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boundaries are put around things that are dangerous. If porn is OK, then folks watching it is OK, and that means everything about it is OK, right?
Wrong. Porn is not OK.

Sex in general can be dangerous. Skydiving is dangerous, drinking alcohol can be dangerous.

Doesn't mean a person can't enjoy all the above, within safe acceptable boundaries.


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think that porn is damaging at all in many relationships.

Porn has been something I have never personally liked/enjoyed, but I have had boyfriends in the past who have watched porn and it didn't negatively affect me or our relationship.

In my marriage, after my H's behavior, porn is a deal breaker and completely off of the table.

On a side note- I would not leave my child with anyone who I didn't trust. I HAVE on more than one occasion left my child with my husband's best friend and our former roommate, who I know does watch porn with his long term girlfriend. He is an extremely responsible adult, very trustworthy, and not a child molester.

I was raped when I was seven years old, and molested at a party when I was in college. Neither of those attacks had anything to do with porn. Just because it is an issue in MY marriage, doesn't mean that everyone who watches it is disgusting, there is something wrong with everyone, etc...


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Jesu
♂ Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


And, for those who think porn is OK, I wonder if you'd want your daughters, sisters, or mothers performing in it. Just sayin'

I wouldn't want them too, but I wouldn't judge them negatively if that's what they chose to do. I'd feel the same way about my son, brother or father working in the porn industry too. I think sex workers are unfairly stigmatised.

There's plenty of terrible jobs that people wake up and work every day. I'd have more of a problem if they worked in the tobacco industry, or an industry with bad environmental policies, or the military etc.


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it depends on the person. A person who already has an addictive personality like my ws, yes its negatively affected his life. It's not casual viewing, its hours per day. I use to not have a negative view on porn, maybe because it did not affect my life, now it does. it is different now with the internet. Most I've seen also have boxes pop up on the screen with a women saying, I'm 2.3 miles from you, message me for a date. I also think when sites find women who look as close to a young teenager as possible, put her hair in pig tails with aschool girl outfit and advertise as watch innocent teen suck her first c**k,It's very disturbing. For some people, I think its not healthy but everyone's entitled to their own opinion. If porn has f**ked up your life, you don't like it...I don't like it in my home. I have teen daughters who look older than these girls..it makesme extremely uncomfortable.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4741 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damaging or not, what's the very worst thing that could happen if there was no porn?


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 659 | Registered: Apr 2013
Jesu
♂ Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The rate of sex related crimes could possibly go up?


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Porn is damaging in many ways. As a former porn addict.

The things to think about:
1. Would you rather masturbate than have sex with your spouse?
2. Can you stop watching porn for a long period of time?
3. Do you find yourself getting into the darker things of porn, such as anything you wouldn't share with others.
4. Do you try to incorporate sex acts from porn into your life and if your spouse refuses do you get upset?
5. Have you ever attempted to get someone else besides your spouse to carry out sex act?

These are some things people who have porn addiction have to think about.

It degrades the watcher and it degrades sex itself. Sex is really a great gift but it can lose it's meaning. In Porn it lacks affection and true enjoyment.

As stated, they are acting and in reality they are doing things they would probably not consider loving to one another.

In my opinion, you should make your own sex movies with your spouse, watch them together and incorporate affection and it's a good way to build trust. Your depending on each other to have your own little secret thing you do together and it incorporates meeting each others needs, affection and Affirmation.

What's the difference between that and porn. You and your spouse are married and your watching 2 people who love each other make love instead of just having sex.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to think porn was harmless. Two damaged relationships later I can't say the same. It can be extremely destructive for some people.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Jesu
♂ Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also think when sites find women who look as close to a young teenager as possible, put her hair in pig tails with aschool girl outfit and advertise as watch innocent teen suck her first c**k,It's very disturbing.

Most peoples first sexual experiences are as a teenager with other teenagers. The age of consent where I live is 16, and I lost my virginity when I was 16 with a 16 year old girl I went to school with. Sometimes it's natural to reminisce and have fantasies of being young and sexual again. That kind of porn obviously caters to those fantasies. I don't see anything wrong with that as long as it's within the realms of legality. I have known plenty of adult women that have loved dressing up as a schoolgirl also.

If it's not for you, fine...but it's not necessarily disturbing.


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No porn resulting in the increase in sex crimes is a bit of a stretch but, that rationalization has been around since I was a teen and, that's been a pretty long time. Kudos to you LostSamuri! I'm on your team!


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 659 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 114
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.