Anyone else in a similar situation? If so, how is it playing into your decisions around D or R?
Right now I have zero desire to have a child with him(we are early in R), but I just wonder if doing so could be the worst decision ever....
I don't have any kids and ended up filing for divorce less than a week after finding WW at OM's home. Read my story in my profile to get a picture of what I am going through.
Life is to short to hold on to someone that treats us that poorly. We deserve better than that and karma is a bitch. Do I have my ups and downs, not going to lie I do, but they are less frequent and I realize now that my WW is not fit to be the mother of my children or any persons for that matter. Ultimately, the person and marriage that I loved died the moment she spread her legs for another man. You can't go back or try to recover, anything you do from here on out is starting back over from scratch. The more you try to make things the way they were the harder it is going to be and he will do it again.
Get while the getting's good. I should have.
And either way, get some of your eggs frozen. It might come to pass that you need the help.
As of now, we both agree that kids are off the table.
I don't know what will happen now.
[This message edited by totalheartbreak at 3:54 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]
Frankly, if you want children, you don't have to stay with a cheater to have them. You do have a few more years before physically it becomes crucial. Why not take this year to figure out if you're staying or going, and then make your decision? Either way, you can certainly have children with or without him.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
She left. While she was still living in the same house, she said she wanted a D because she wanted children, didn't want them with me, needed time to find someone else, she's getting older, and she needed to "give them a few years" with her before kids. Clock is ticking, so to speak. This was before I knew about he OM, who is 53 flipping years old. He has kids that are almost our age! She is SOL if she thinks he is going to give her kids.
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO grateful that we do NOT have kids right now. I'm about ready to hop of the D train, and I wouldn't want to put them through that.
If you R with your WH, I would wait for a long while before trying to have kids. He has to prove himself for awhile, IMO.
In my case, my desire to have a family is one of the reasons I'm considering for D. I don't know if I would actually be able to R with my WW the way we both deserve. Do I want to waste the time to find out? Or, do I want to risk this happening again (not to say that my next W might not do the same thing, but I'll be wiser in spotting it)? Me, right now, I don't think so. But, you have to ask yourself these questions.
Hang in there.
I tried to get pregnant through fertility treatments with my assclown and did actually. I miscarried however. My friend told me the other night that things happen for a reason.
Don't end up with regret.
Although I'm sad that I didn't have them, it made the D a lot easier. If we had, I'd of probably R'd w/XH, for their sake. So, for that, am glad that we didn't.
I agree w/others. Freeze your eggs, so regardless, you still have that option. You are still young enough that you have 10 - 12 years left, regardless of how your M pans out.
IMO, early in R, I'd not bring a baby into the mix. Too volatile.
I guess you could see how things pan out, and in the meantime just start doing what you need to do for your future, which may include egg freezing.
Ultimately, it really worked out in my favor. It made the D much simpler, and I’m still young enough that I can start a family with someone else.