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User Topic: Not sure if I'm afraid to live without him or really do want him
inthedark14
♀ Member
Member # 41924
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kno I love WH with ALL my heart and bfor Xmas Eve i REALY culdnt imagine him doin this to me in a million years , I am not sure if I'm still here bcuz I'm afraid of being on my own and sharing my kids part time with someone and living alone etc 1 second I forget all this crap and I just love him but then I look at him and he's all friggin normal as nothing's happened and I think "god u make me sick how do U even live with yourself how the hell did were u able to come home to me and just act like nothing happened act like u were all good" I fn hate him so much most of the time I kno I'm very new to this still but I can't imagine it will get "better" , I have loved him for 15 years almost half my life and I thought we were 1 of those couples who fought the odds. Married young and STILL married this day in age, boy was I ever wrong


WH: 39/BW:Me,32
Married 14 years in March, 2 Beautiful children 8 & 12
D-Day: Xmas Eve 2013-worst day of my life

"The most expensive thing in th world is TRUST, it takes years to earn and just a matter of seconds to lose"


Posts: 102 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: santa rosa ca
Thriving
♀ Member
Member # 4770
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((itd14))) Of course you're not sure. It's only been 3 weeks since your D-day.

Everything you're feeling right now is completely normal. One minute you're in love and the next you're ready to hire a lawyer. BTDT.

You don't need to make any decisions right now. In fact, it would probably be better to just sit with your feelings for a while. You still have the really angry phase to go through. Most will tell you to wait 6-12 months before you make any decisions.


"Trust is earned, respect is given, and loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any of one of those is to lose all three." - Anon.

Posts: 4842 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Denver, CO
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..if i may paraphrase.. betrayal totally sucks!!

..just to let you know you've been heard and your qhestion is asked frequently around here.

..my kids were 11 and 3 when i found out.. i couldn't dream of being a divorced, single father.. stayed for the kids..

..you're so new at this crap that's been dumped in your life... lean on friends and family.. take your time as you process the new reality.

..it's OK to vent here and let the anger flow..

you will make it through..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4120 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Inthedark))) I'm nearly 6 months out and I'm still not sure. You are grieving a loss. Well many losses actually. Be gentle with yourself. Some say to wait a year to make a decision.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
neverwillhapn2me
♂ Member
Member # 41912
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kno I love WH with ALL my heart and bfor Xmas Eve i REALY culdnt imagine him doin this to me in a million years , I am not sure if I'm still here bcuz I'm afraid of being on my own and sharing my kids part time with someone and living alone etc 1 second I forget all this crap and I just love him but then I look at him and he's all friggin normal as nothing's happened and I think "god u make me sick how do U even live with yourself how the hell did were u able to come home to me and just act like nothing happened act like u were all good" I fn hate him so much most of the time I kno I'm very new to this still but I can't imagine it will get "better" , I have loved him for 15 years almost half my life and I thought we were 1 of those couples who fought the odds. Married young and STILL married this day in age, boy was I ever wrong


Other than the living alone part, 100% exactly how I feel and we both have similar DD. So as other said it must be normal.

However I do not think I will R, but that is another story for another thread.


The saddest thing about betrayal is it never comes from your enemies


If your searching for that one person that will change your life, look in the mirror.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Ontario
whereismylove
♀ Member
Member # 41794
Default  Posted: 2:53 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its like i was writing this post. i cant figure why the hell im not kicking his ass to the curb ..everything you said i feel and wonder so if you gain some insight let me know!


DDay: Nov.6th, Dec 24, Dec.27(2013) Jan 10th(2014) & texting during false R until July 2014.
Me : BS, 36. awesome doting wife & former stay @home mom now back 2school and work.
Him: WS, 43. EU spouse. 7 months long "accidental" affair. Fol

Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northern California
Kitty70
♀ Member
Member # 41939
Default  Posted: 5:37 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe keep a journal. I started writing in one years ago. Helped me see what had been going on in my life. My relationship was 9 years and I was unhappy for most of it because of his emotional issues, lack of availability to me, and other things. He was a wonderful companion to me, just an asshat behind my back. I regret waiting so long, but that's just me.


Me: BGF, 43
Him: WBF, 35
Together 9 years, moved in 8/15/2013

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 7

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