Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: DaveVP (44299)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: It looks like I'm going to MC
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two mornings ago I told my husband that if we didn't go to MC or if something didn't change, that I needed to find another place to live. I told him I couldn't be treated like this any more.

He said that he didn't know how he was "treating" me.

I said that I do not exist in his life, that he lies to me and disrespects me.

He said "I told you I would see someone" and I replied that yes he did tell me that, but then he does nothing to set it up.

I told him that he used to be the one to threaten divorce, and that I didn't know why he stopped doing that, but that now, I can't stand to be around him any more. He said he would sleep elsewhere (Not infidelity related) and I said that he cold sleep whereever he wanted to, but that I was going to be out of town anyway. (Taking care of sick relative.)

So I did email the MC and we have an appointment for next Friday.

I am already nervous about it. I chose him because he does IMAGO therapy - also, he is a minister. His counseling is not faith driven, but I feel comfortable that he will understand us more because we are people of faith.

The IC says that in our initial meeting he will want to know :

1) what we each feel is the problem
2) about our childhoods
3) what he thinks he can do to help

I am already nervous about what to say. My mistake is to always say too much with too much intensity.

I am thinking about timing a Valium or Xanax into the morning so that it will kick in about the time of the session!

Just kidding - I think!


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1850 | Registered: Apr 2012
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Remember that MC's are human and each has a different style. You need to feel comfortable. I would make sure he/she has experience dealing with A's. Many on here have had to fire their MC's for not having a clue about dealing with A's.

Funny right after d day my WW didn't think we needed MC as long as we were talking - we needed it years ago before the A even started! I some made it a requirement and it has helped a lot. I don't really understand the stigma with seeing a therapist. Frankly I would guess a vast majority of M's, even if not dealing with an A, would benefit greatly from seeing one.

I enjoy seeing both the MC and IC, WW however gets really nervous about her IC visits. Go figure!


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 670 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am already nervous about what to say. My mistake is to always say too much with too much intensity.
^^^ there is nothing wrong with this. However if you feel you may carry too much intensity into the meeting take the time you have until the session to write or type out exactly what you want to say. You can take in a paragraph or several and read from it directly at the start or get it down to several bullet point items you want to discuss.

I personally had a tendency to ramble from one issue to another in IC and MC when I was going. I found it helped if I wrote down what I wanted to talk about in a numbered list with the first being the most important.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official in 7/2014

Posts: 1834 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The main thing I am worried about is the volume of what I have to say. For 8 years I have not spoken (as much as I needed to) about the infidelity and the resulting relationship.

When I DO get the chance to speak, I'm afraid I will just vomit out my feelings for too long. This always has a negative impact on my husband.

But - BY GOD - his need to "not talk" is no more important than my need "to talk"!!!

I am getting fired up just typing this...

The "writing it down" might work.


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1850 | Registered: Apr 2012
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah - "Infidelity" is listed as one of his areas of focus - AND depression. That's really good.


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1850 | Registered: Apr 2012
OnTilt
♀ Member
Member # 34140
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I said that I do not exist in his life, that he lies to me and disrespects me.

I'm right there with ya!

I am already nervous about what to say. My mistake is to always say too much with too much intensity.

I am thinking about timing a Valium or Xanax into the morning so that it will kick in about the time of the session!

OMG WR, you are too funny!

I know exactly how you feel. We did MC about 1.5 yrs ago, and that was me! I had to stop going because I would leave so pissed off because I didn't get to say what I needed to say in that short 45 minutes I would lay into wh for 2 hours afterwards.

Now wh is suggesting MC again and I honestly don't think I COULD do it without drugs! And I'm not kidding. I've ignored his request thus far.

I think writing down what you want to say is a VERY good idea though. I hope it goes well for you.


BS(Me), WH(Him) in our 50's
Status: I'm giving up on him

Posts: 377 | Registered: Dec 2011
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My real problem is that there is so much resentment built up in me from the long years of getting no relief from his infidelity or his refusal or inability to help me deal with it.

I just saw Dr. Phil (how embarassing) say to a man that, "There is no way that a woman can begin to heal from a betrayal until she knows that you 'get it' - what you did, and what it did to her."

OMG - AMENAMENAMENAMENAMENAMENAMENAMENAMENAMEN

I don't know how a person (me) can be so starved for communication for so long, then be expected to enter into MC and just speak like a normal person about something so painful. If I had been starving and then I saw food - can I be expected to eat 3 bites of bread and that be enough???

So...I personally think that my husband should be locked in a room with me for about a month. I think I should be able to scream at him - cry and weep - call him every name in the book - beat the hell out of him - find a way to make him feel my pain - etc. until I feel PURGED!!! Then, and only then could I be back to "normal" so that I can speak about it rationally to him or a MC!

And I am only halfway kidding!



"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1850 | Registered: Apr 2012
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.