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Newest Member: lynnde (44729)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How soon is too soon?
Ann124
♀ Member
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SO and I have been seeing each other for about six months. We live about an hour and a half (one way) away from each other and spend every weekend every day(s) off together, text, email, video chat and talk a great deal on the phone daily.

We've briefly talked about splitting the difference and finding a place in the middle of where we each currently live ... Sometimes I think it is too soon for this conversation and then at other times I think it is prefect timing.

I was just wondering what is the consensus from my SI friends ... I know it all depends on us and our mind set but just curious what others here think?

[This message edited by Ann124 at 8:38 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]


Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SO and I started talking about moving in together when we were at the 6 month mark. But we both had leases on our apartments so we had to wait about 8 more months to actually move.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49468 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Dawnie
♀ Member
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My now husband moved in with me 7 months after we met. He lived an hr away and was in a position where he needed to find a new place to live. We were talking marriage and I wanted to live with him to be sure that we were a good fit... that was 3 1/2 years ago and we were married a year later. It worked out wonderfully for both of us.... I have never been happier!

I dont think that there is a "timeline"... follow your gut and if it feels right go for it.


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 47)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 801 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the past, 6 months would have been my "Ok to move in together" point.

Now, when I got a ring on it. Did SO put a ring on it?


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 492 | Registered: Nov 2013
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I must be in the minority because that seems way too fast to move in.
In fact I first interpreted your post as finding a dating spot (restaurant) in the middle rather than apartment -lol!

For me it would be more like dating 1-2 years before thinking about moving in. I'd want to experience a full annual cycle of holidays, birthdays, seasons etc., as a dating couple to really know my partner.
But that's just me (I generally move much slower in relationships than others).

Bottom line: everyone has a different timeline so we each need to do what logically and emotionally feels right for us.

Editted to add: my 1st bf was 1.5 hours away. We dated for 5 yrs that way. 2nd was close for 1 yr then he moved 2,000 miles away & we dated for 2 yrs that way before we moved in.

[This message edited by PhoenixRisen at 9:08 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]


Posts: 475 | Registered: Jun 2012
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have given up on timelines. I knew my first H a long time and still ended up D'd. My second H was a much quicker timeline with the same results (aka D).

At this point of my life, my driving factors would be the other entities in my life. IE if either (or both) of us have children, etc. Do you have anything like that to factor in?

I am on the other end of the spectrum than littlefoggy.....I might not ever want a ring on it ever again. LOL.



Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2056 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dated SO for nearly 3 years before moving in with him. We have been living together since October - so far, so good.

I really enjoyed my solo living for 5 years after my D. I had never lived alone before and I found I enjoyed it immensely.

SO and I are currently working on getting me some alone time at home. He is retired so he has every day to himself while I'm at work. He bowls on Sunday nights so I have a 3 hour timeframe to myself every Sunday.

I love being with him, but I was raised an only child and I'm an introvert, so my alone time is very treasured!

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7676 | Registered: Aug 2005
heartbroken_kk
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Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like you have bonded emotionally and are devoting all your available time for him.

Without commending on actual timing, I would just suggest you consider "what ifs" related to a) moving in together vs b) keeping status quo

How EASY would it be for you to pack up and move? Just the logistical part? Are your possessions compatible with his? Do you have a lifetime's worth of stuff to go through? If you were moving for a job or other life change, how much chaos would it create?

How would this move affect you in other areas of your life? Would you lose connections with friends, family, neighbors, etc. that are important to you? What would it take to adjust your life to the new location?

Ask the same questions for him....

Are you setting yourselves up for chaos, disruption, and stress? Have you tested your relationship with stress yet?


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1126 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Ann124
♀ Member
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your posts!

Heartbroken_kk
You pose some very good questions.

"How EASY would it be for you to pack up and move? Just the logistical part? Are your possessions compatible with his? Do you have a lifetime's worth of stuff to go through? If you were moving for a job or other life change, how much chaos would it create?"

It would be "easy" for me to pack up and move. When I first moved back to my home state I thought I would never move from this city again. But I have found after 15 years of being away it has gotten too crowded for my taste. So the location, where we (SO actually suggested) is where I actually grew up and went to HS. So it is like a second home to me. I have already gone through the "life times" worth of stuff before my initial move "home." The only "chaos" will be with my immediate family, my mother mostly, but all my brothers are very supportive in all the decisions I make and I have gotten to the point where I am done with people pleasing and only care to please me. Sounds harsh, but it's time for me to be true to me. As for the answers to these questions from SO ... I will have to ask, as they are very good questions.

As for the rest of your questions: I have to ponder some more and pose these questions to him also ... But I think all will be good.

The reasoning for me to begin this post is I have this "nag" in the back of my mind about "time" more than anything else. I think I can and have been being judgmental of myself. As I have only been D legally since July, physically and mentally for the past three years ... So I sometimes wonder if I haven't given myself enough time.


Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
9.10.11
♂ Member
Member # 36336
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW! At the earliest it will be 2 yrs for my SO and I. But we have kids, 2 going to college and I will have one still at home for a couple more years.
Even at the 2yr mark, I don't know if we will live together, I have plenty of time to think about it.

But I am more "old school". There better be a very strong commitment to go to that stage. Or I better have a big enough house so we can get away from each other. lol


Posts: 120 | Registered: Aug 2012
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