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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I think I made the turn
Yakamishi
♂ Member
Member # 38230
Happy  Posted: 10:19 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW and I celebrated 20th anniversary yesterday. We are at 16 months. Over the weekend we went away to NH. (no kids!)Yesterday we spent the day just hanging around, running a few errands together. It's been a very good week. Lots of love, talk, understanding.

Last night we went through the computer and deleted everything A related. All the excel sheets, times, dates, emails, FB messages. Even emptied the "trash bin". I let a fire and we burned everything I had compiled about the A. All my letters and notes. My phone bills. Texts. EVERYTHING. It's all gone. No more scabs to pick. No more itches to scratch.

I feel so alleviated. Although I had not used or looked at any of the material in a couple of months,I felt a certain amount of closure ridding myself of it all. It's not to say I condone or forgive that the A happened. But I guess it signifies that I am finally past the "discovery" phase. That I'm ready to move on to focusing on the healing, instead of wasting time figuring out what I'm supposed to be healing over.

Either way, a good day. A very, very good day. Now on to the 25th.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Althea
♀ Member
Member # 37765
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yakamishi, this makes me very happy to read! Our Ddays are close, and we both experienced several months of TT, so I am glad to hear you are also doing well.


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 447 | Registered: Dec 2012
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations!!! I can't wait to get to this point.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 832 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay Yakamishi!!!!

Wonderful post!!!

17 months out here....damn near close to shooting my thumb drive with all that shit on it myself!!!!

...not yet....but almost.


Thank you for posting.

God be with you and Mrs. Yakamishi both!

[This message edited by blakesteele at 11:31 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad to hear about all this healing!


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1774 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
totalheartbreak
♂ Member
Member # 41589
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We haven't yet made the decision to R as we're only ~3 months out...but I still want to post in this thread as I am currently considering destroying all evidence as a way to move beyond the 'getting all of the details' phase so I can start my personal healing.

Kudos to you and your WW. I wish you the best.

[This message edited by totalheartbreak at 11:24 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]


Me: BH (30s)
Wayflost: WW (30s)
"Ever notice those that advocate anything for 'happiness' are perennially unhappy?"

Posts: 121 | Registered: Dec 2013
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats Yakamishi, & to Mrs. Yakamishi.

I hope that WH & I are where you soon.
2 1/2 yrs out, but got off to a very very slow start-------a lot of big steps are being made now, & I can finally say that we are doing well in R.

Thank you for the inspiration---for giving me hope.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yakamishi, that is such good news. Congratulations to you and Mrs. Y!


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 363 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Mama58
♀ Member
Member # 41685
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but you just destroyed evidence that could possibly used in divorce proceedings. He must be ecstatic. Way to soon to do this IMO. If he is to cheat again, you have now lost all your evidence. Would have been safer to make copies, keep somewhere else, and then destroy just one copy. Sorry.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Ohio
Mama58
♀ Member
Member # 41685
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, should have been she, not he. Cheaters lie, cheaters cheat. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ME.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Ohio
Yakamishi
♂ Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, she wasn't ecstatic. She was supportive, if not very emotional with me. It was all my idea. I hadn't looked at any of it in months. Just by seeing the file or walking by the notes, it was turning into more of a trigger than a tool.

and the added bonus...it brought more trust into our relationship.

But i would agree, it is a risk. And timing is everything.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
greengiant
♂ Member
Member # 41196
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't wait to be there one day!


ME - BS - 33
fWW - 33
Married 8 years, together 15
3 kids: 6, 4 and 2
D-Day: September 30th, 2013
She had a 6 weeks A with a COW

Posts: 145 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Quebec, Canada
ILINIA
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woohoo! I broke into a huge smile when I read your post. You spoke so much "lighter" than you have in the past.


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 429 | Registered: Jul 2013
Putto
♀ Member
Member # 38261
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so wonderful to read positive steps in the direction of recovery. I'm sure it felt amazing to symbolically close the discovery chapter and enter into healing with your partner next to you.
Happy 20th, by the way.


I don't say much but I lurk around a lot. Thank you for baring your souls here, you've said the words I couldn't find and you've helped me heal more than I can say.

Me - BS
Him - FWS, serial long term EAs


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
Coachdig10
♂ Member
Member # 41706
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats. I hope to be where you are in the future.


BS- 42
WS- 36
Married 16
Kids- 3
DDay 1/17/13

Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: California
33years
♀ Member
Member # 41053
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reports like yours are inspiring and encouraging to those of us who still have a ways to go. Thank you for sharing!


Me (BS) 58
Him (WH) 57
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing anymore is certain"

Posts: 72 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Middle of USA
pendant
♀ Member
Member # 32890
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great news. Simply love your honest reality.


"Once forgiving begins, dreams can be rebuilt. When forgiving is complete, meaning has been extracted from the worst of experiences and used to create a new set of moral rules and a new interpretation of life's events."

Posts: 423 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: North Carolina
Topic Posts: 17

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