I'm with Skan. Your list and letter will pretty much be blown off and ignored like any of your past requirements from the times he cheated before.
Unfortunately, you've been in this position a few times before and nothing has changed, so I can't imagine this time will be any different. I really hate to say it, but when you start having to issue ultimatums to your husband that he's not allowed to have sexual fantasies anymore unless they're about you, that pretty much speaks volumes.
This is a man that says he won't even fight you if you want to divorce him, so I can't imagine he'd be interested in doing much of anything on your list. Oh, he might lie and claim he's following it, but this man is so apathetic that the only one he seems to serve is himself.
Don't you want someone in your life who respects you and loves you and treats you the way you should be treated - because he wouldn't have it any other way and not because he was given a list of ultimatums by you?
I think sometimes we become so deeply mired in the dysfunction we're forced to live in year after year after year that we start to lose our clarity on what's 'normal' or 'rational.' God knows I spent a little time in those compromised 'woods,' no longer being able to see the forest for the trees.
I honestly think you need a clean break from him...some time alone so you can achieve some clarity and decide what the healthiest option is for you and your children. Your current situation simply doesn't allow you to do that, unfortunately.
Good luck to you.