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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Did something stupid and paid dearly! Just knock me out w/a 2x4!
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Shocked  Posted: 9:31 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I hadn't talked to my sister for like 3 days (which is close to the longest we have gone in over 3 years) and she called me the other night and I reluctantly answered. I was surprised at how calm she was even though I was NOT. I was stern, to the point, and STILL adamantly have been telling her that daycare is GOING to happen now no matter what she does, says, etc.

Well, she begged to see Piper today while I was at work....I should have said no or limited the time to an hour or 2 instead of the whole day....but I'm your classic doormat smuck sucker dumbass and fell for the sob story that she missed her and just wanted to see her and spend time with her. I made sure to reiterate to her to not get it into her head that this would be a habitual thing and that once she started daycare, she would not get her during the day and that she won't be getting her for days at a time like before. She was annoyed that I pointed it out, but I felt it needed to be said...OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again until it sinks in that I'm not giving in this time.

The day started out good...we got along fine and I thought...maybe she will treat the situation like a bomb diffuser....with kid gloves because I am literally a ticking emotional time bomb right now ready to go off on her at any moment! Everything seemed fine UNTIL about 3:15ish....when I made the fatal mistake of calling her back when she asked me to. I should have never made that phone call.

It was like talking to a 2 year old. "She's LOOKING at me!!!" She tells me that a friend of mine was outside of the Subway in the Walmart where her 21 year old (half her age) girlfriend works (new job) and was giving her the evil staredown. Apparently so badly that the manager took notice....this happened THREE DAYS AGO!!! I asked her why the hell she would bring this up now?? She says because her girlfriend's manager brought it up.....3 days later??? Don't they have more important things to do??? Like ask if they want lettuce on their sub or not??

I asked my friend about it....her and my BEST FRIEND who is her sister denied it even ever happened and they wouldn't lie about it. They would OWN it and be proud if they did. It is a free country btw....IMHO. And, I don't blame them for being annoyed with this girl who has put me down as a mother ever since this whole ordeal started.

My sister's girlfriend has met this friend twice in 2 and a half years....and says that she KNOWS it was her...and her manager described her to a TEE. Her manager, who BTW, has NEVER met my friend....ONCE. NOT ONCE! Okay.....I asked if this manager was some sort of sketch artist for a police detective or something and had a picture of this so-called suspect so that I could make my own deduction...cause you know.... 30 something year old blonde women with 2 brown headed children fits about a third of the population of moms I would say....AT LEAST.

I won't lie.... I stewed until I got off work....then by the time I got to my sister's house....I wanted to rip her head off with my bare hands I was so angry. I was mad that she honestly thought that I was so stupid to fall for their lies and also that she would even get so petty YET AGAIN so soon after this whole thing happened....knowing it would make me angry.....poking at the bear so to speak.

I got there and I won't lie...I was the angry one this time....I was the irrational mad one. I'm not proud of that. But, I defended my friends, told her that I needed more space that apparently I hadn't had enough, reconfirmed to her that THIS was why I was taking her to daycare, told her the drama had to stop, got my daughter and her stuff and walked out the front door....

All the while...my sister played the innocent "I don't know why you are so upset" game.... even made me dinner and had it in a container trying to play "Donna Reed!" WTF?????!!!!!!She even tried to act all "What, you don't want to take the dinner I made for you with you??" I said, "No I do not, thanks!" and left.

Her girlfriend got off at 4...but was conveniently not there....(one of her smarter moves IMO)..... but when I walked outside the other girl in this whole ordeal (also in her early 20's who confronted me online blocked my car in)....and all I had were pictures of bigfoot and how I was going to run her down if she didn't move. I would have to. But, my sister's girlfriend got out....made a comment of "hi" to my daughter and a term of endearment which made my inner evil queen sneer...... and I put my daughter in her carseat as the other girl moved her vehicle and parked in front of the house and walked past me. I was daring her to say ONE WORD to me.... TOUCH ME....PLEASE DO!!!! I would have had her ass in jail so quick and with a restraining order slapped on her so fast her little head would have spun from the wind of it all!

I am SO mad at myself for being so naive and stupid for # 1 putting myself in this stressful situation again knowing deep down that it most likely would not end well....and # 2 putting my daughter in the situation to see her mother so upset YET AGAIN.

I learned a valuable lesson today and I have now blocked my sister from my phone, my email, and am still OFF of Facebook. I need her to go away. I haven't spoken to my dad because I am angry at him too. I think he is on her side out of fear. She is the epitomy of my mom and he would rather be on her side than deal with the brunt of her wrath. I will deal with him later. He needs to stay out of this. Period.

Okay... go ahead... hit me... 2x4's RIGHT UP THE SIDE OF MY DAMN STUPID RED HEAD! I hate myself right now for putting my daughter in that position....and I will NEVER do it again. Even if that means I have to be the evil sister who took the niece away from a dying CP person..... I don't care. Fuck. Off. Please. Thank. You.

I'm done. Just FUCKING done.

Goodnight.... I had my shower....some much needed xanax to barely take off the edge....otherwise I would be like literally attached to my ceiling like a cat....and I'm going to bed.

I should have listened to you all more carefully and not tried to change the dynamic from childcare relationship to aunt so soon.... it was too fucking soon. I needed more time. A lot more. I need my sanity back.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:42 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
seekingright2013
♀ Member
Member # 37991
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No words of wisdom, just ((((hugs)))).

So glad Piper is doing well at daycare !!!


BSO, 53
exWSO, who cares
DD: 11/18/12
DD2: 11/21/12
Kicked him to the curb 11/21/12
I tramp a perpetual journey.
― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Red State SE US
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you seekingright2013....

Yesterday was just a "free trial day" at the daycare to see how she would adjust...and I think she will do very well.. I just have to survive the next 2 weeks and her nana is going to keep her at my house and then I am enrolling her on the last day of this month and they are running a special where if I pay the enrollment fee, then I get a free month! So, I will get February free and start paying in March. Its like God knew I needed his help so he made it happen. I'm so thankful for that. Nana is a wonderful kind hearted woman, but she is fighting cancer....and its hard on her to watch a toddler full-time...so we are trying to juggle with another friend to take some of the strain off of her.... but she would walk through fire for my daughter....and I for her.

If I could afford to do daycare now I would....but I can't. But, as soon as I move... everything will get easier...I just have to literally walk through hell to get to the oasis.... we shall see if I can take the heat....

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:45 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you need a 2x4. You touched the stove, you got burned and you learned something.

As far as your guilt goes, I'm probably going to die of cancer at some point given my family history. It doesn't give me license to be an asshole.


Posts: 1551 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't give me license to be an asshole.

I said those exact words to her a few days ago. Today she was being nice to me but it was patronizing....which is one of my biggest pet peeves....belittling me or patronizing me really pisses me off... and she knew right where to poke her stick.... but it will be the last fucking time. I tell you that.

I hope it was worth her losing the right to see my daughter for a LONG while. I hope she enjoys basking in her smug glory. Cause reality will set in very soon what she just did.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today I feel numb. I sent my dad a text asking him not to judge me until he hears my side of the story because I know my crazy sister painted a lovely picture of me last night....on my rampage as she "was being all calm and even made me dinner and had no idea why I was yelling and being so mean!" Grrrrrrrrrrr

The sad part is....I don't know who I can trust anymore. Except my friends. Not even my dad... and that breaks my heart. It really does.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((shelly))


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2564 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks nutmegkitty.... I guess it is what it is.

I was gonna run tomorrow but have decided I need a weekend off. I'm staying with my best friend with Piper overnight tonight. She is having a Mary Kay party...and I'm gonna pack us an overnight bag and stay with her. I need an escape!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweetie....please don't bring your Dad into this drama between you and your sister. He's father to both of you and loves you both.

Don't do this to him. He already knows your sister is crazy.

Vent here. We just loooves us stories of crazy people.

Your sister installed the buttons she's using to goad you into being crazy like her. It's up to you to break them.

And WHERE are our Christmas pictures of Piper?????? Hmmmmmmm????????


{{{{hugs}}}}}


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6451 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not bringing dad into this. But, my sister has already blown his phone up a billion times with "her side of things" and since I'm going to be living with him, I at least need to have the "Please stay out of this and remain neutral and let her and I deal with this between us" discussion. I will tell him that it is what it is and if we make amends down the road great....but if we don't we don't and he needs to stay out of it. That's all...

I feel like he has already chosen a side. And, he doesn't even have all the facts. Mainly because he is terrified of my sister and doesn't want her to turn the gun on him....

Here you go K9! Per your request!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 1:11 PM, January 17th (Friday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

please don't bring your Dad into this drama between you and your sister. He's father to both of you
I agree with this.

Please resist the urge to do this:

I at least need to have the "Please stay out of this and remain neutral and let her and I deal with this between us" discussion
.

You're going to be basically dependent on your father (aka living with him). Don't discuss your sister. Take the (much stated, hardly traveled) high road and hold your tongue.
Vent here.
NC with Nutzilla.
Peace with, for, and around your father and daughter.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6043 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gentle 2x4 coming...

I read a lot of your posts and tend to not respond because (in my opinion), you seem to enjoy the drama.

You get a lot of responses that basically tell you to stay away from X, Y, or Z because its just stirring up the drama.
You then do exactly the opposite of what folks have advised, get burned, more drama ensues, THEN you figure out that it was a bad idea to pet the drama llama....til the next time you pet the drama llama.

See a pattern here?


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6043 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're going to be basically dependent on your father (aka living with him). Don't discuss your sister. Take the (much stated, hardly traveled) high road and hold your tongue.

That's the problem...HE has already verbalized his desire for ME to be the one to make up with her. He has defended her girlfriend's actions and everything. I feel ganged up on by them. Of course this was BEFORE yesterday...so lord only knows what he thinks now.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 1:13 PM, January 17th (Friday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't enjoy this at all. I'm a classic co-dependent and try to be the mediator fixer person and it just doesn't work. It only gets me hurt. I'm not going to be petting anything anymore...I just want to be left alone.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HE has already verbalized his desire for ME to be the one to make up with her.

Then you smile, give him a hug and simply keep stating, "Thanks Dad, but I've already done what I feel I can. From here forward, I am doing what I think is best for my daughter and me."
Period. No arguments, no discussion, no defending your actions.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6043 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then you smile, give him a hug and simply keep stating, "Thanks Dad, but I've already done what I feel I can. From here forward, I am doing what I think is best for my daughter and me."

That's actually exactly what I said.... so I guess there is nothing left to discuss. You guys are...of course... right. I am just going to keep my distance from everyone for a while.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, darling Piper pics!

Second, you get worked up about a lot of stuff that really doesn't even need to be on your radar. A friend looked at your sister's girlfriend three days ago and her boss yelled at her about it? Huh? Why does that merit any discussion with sister, girlfriend, friend, sister of friend? Not your business. Don't let people make that petty nothing crap your business. Your sister is getting to you because you let yourself get involved in things that shouldn't concern you.

Have you heard "What other people think of you is none of your business"? It's a lot less stress when you just leave people to their thoughts instead of trying to correct them.


Posts: 3239 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't let people make that petty nothing crap your business. Your sister is getting to you because you let yourself get involved in things that shouldn't concern you.

That's what frustrated me! She started in on me saying it was my fault and I told her that I don't keep my friends on a leash and its a free country and last time I checked dirty looks weren't illegal. Hell! If they were...my XWH and MOW would be in jail now!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Shelly)))

Hope you're able to relax and rest this weekend with your bestfriend.

I'm not sure what happened here though.

Your sister watched Piper for you yesterday. At 3:15, you returned a phone call to your sister and your sister is complaining about a friend of yours who was looking at your sister's girlfriend at work a few days ago. So? Whether or not it was your friend, you can't control what other people do.

Why all the drama? Why were you mad? Am I missing something? It seems like all of this frustration was for nothing really. I definitely think you need some space away from your sister.

dying CP person

I thought this was covered in your other thread. Your sister is not dying from CP. If she is dying, it's because of her poor lifestyle choices that she's made for herself.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4131 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told her that I don't keep my friends on a leash and its a free country and last time I checked dirty looks weren't illegal.

You know how people say "No" is an answer and if you explain your reason you just open it up for discussion. This is kind of like that. You don't have to explain why it isn't your business, you just don't engage period.

You don't have to get the last word, you don't have to explain yourself, you don't have to correct people's opinions. Practice saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "I appreciate your concern." A simple acknowledgement, perhaps frequently repeated, is all you need to tell people they've been heard and you don't wish to discuss it.


Posts: 3239 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Topic Posts: 32
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