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Newest Member: chewiejax (45435)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How????
Bdell
Member
Member # 41673
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After reading a lot of info , I'm pretty sure that forgiveness is yet another example of the BS being forced by circumstances, to "take one for the team" so to speak. Presented with the Fait accompli of adultery, we can either like it or lump it.

Posts: 240 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Indiana
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, he told them all that he he loved them. The only reason I agreed to marry him was because he and I were best platonic friends for years...and then he told one he'd known for two weeks that he was her best friend, lover and mate. Which is exactly how he signed all the stupid cards he bought me over the years.
He told me he needed a second wife because..well...for lots of reasons that could nicely fit into one of the "stupid things our WS say" threads. I just can't find them funny quite yet to contribute them.

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself...when YOU are ready and if you are interested.

While it may offer the WS a lot of relief, it isn't about them. It's about you.

I have not forgiven.

After the "best friend, lover, mate" thing, it took a long time and us separating for me to forgive because that hurt much worse at that point than his cheating and railroading me for his own selfishness. I did it.
He turned around a few years later to destroy me with the worst mess to date.

Now, I no longer forgive but I don't write it off. I look forward to feeling like doing it again but I'm not anywheres near there.
It's a big deal. It was hard that other time...it took a lot of work and struggle to get there. It was totally not valued and that is where I struggle I guess. If it has nothing to do with him,then why should it matter if he didn't value it?
I don't know the answer but I do know...do not rush into anything.
I understand what you said about being from the school of hard knocks and wanting to jump in and fix. I'm like that too but mine led to what's known as rugsweeping so be aware of that. It will not serve you well long run.

Good luck:)


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 264 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

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