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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Horrible Day #2
lovemyfam5
♀ New Member
Member # 41881
Stop  Posted: 11:20 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today started as "normal" as it has been since DDay-about a month ago. Last night my H did go see his ic for the first time and I instantly got the feeling she wasn't encouraging him towards reconciliation. She was giving him all kinds of statistics about how only 30 percent of marriages reconcile after adultery.
So this afternoon he decided to call his attorney and file for divorce. I love this man so much that I don't know where he stops and where I begin. I know I have actually devastated my husband and he has even been suffering from anxiety and depression. This ons came out of no where pretty much and I have never been unfaithable before in our 23 years. I have also had zero contact with the ons and have no plans to. I just want to make things right with my husband but now it feels hopeless. How did I manage to be so incredibly selfish that I messed up 5 lives!

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
SlowUptake
♂ Member
Member # 40484
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I instantly got the feeling she wasn't encouraging him towards reconciliation

She was giving him all kinds of statistics about how only 30 percent of marriages reconcile after adultery

It's not an IC's job to be an advocate for the marriage.
Their job is to advise what's best for the individual.


This ons came out of no where pretty much

No it didn't, you were communicating with your AP on a daily basis for a long time.
He convinced you to come to his hotel room when he visited your city. You went, knowing full well what was likely to happen. You're an adult not a 10 year old.


I have never been unfaithable before in our 23 years

I certainly hope you didn't tell him that. He wouldn't have taken that well at all.
Because that's like saying "I'm a only little bit pregnant" or "I only murdered one person in my life".


How did I manage to be so incredibly selfish that I messed up 5 lives!

Stop minimising your actions, own your shit, face the consequences and you will begin to answer the question.

[This message edited by SlowUptake at 2:09 AM, January 18th (Saturday)]


Me:WS,50+
Her:BS,50+ (WantToWakeUp)
Married 33yrs
Dday Dec 2009

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras

There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Limbo in Oz
confused43
♀ Member
Member # 41802
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no advice and am in no place to give it as I have my own mess to clean up but just wanted to say that I'm so sorry.

Of course I'm not the BS so it's hard to put myself in his shoes but I would hope he would want to R. I am headed down this path soon and have no idea what reaction I'll get so we may become great friends in misery together.

I think the fact that you have never cheated before, if he believes you, is a valid point, but that's just me. I've never cheated prior to my affair either but for me I was with my AP for most of last year carrying on. I'd say what I did was worse if there was a sliding scale. It all depends on how a spouse reacts. One will accept a wife that shows remorse after having several affair partners while another wants a divorce over one inappropriate kiss. You never know, so I guess it's best to never go down that path. If only we could rewind time and have a do over.


Me: WW 42 - Him: BH 45
Dday: Confessed 1/12/14 - EA/PA: 8 months
Married: 15 years - 3 Kids(5-13)
It's scary to think you know someone well and then realize you don't~~Even scarier when you realize that person is you!

Posts: 107 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: SW Oregon
smez
♀ Member
Member # 41882
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read your other post and just wanted to offer a friendly voice. When my husband went to IC for the first time, he came home and told me all the things that supported HIS point of view. Remember that you are listening to a one sided conversation and take that with a grain of salt.

As for him threatening divorce, that is fine. I reminded my husband that words have consequences. He had the right to be angry but he did NOT involve our child and there was a level of discourse that he wasn't allowed to cross.

You should seek legal help. I know you don't want to think about that but you need to protect yourself and your children. Yes, actions have consequences but there is no need for you to a martyr. Good luck!

[This message edited by smez at 5:23 AM, January 18th (Saturday)]


Me: 36
BS: 37

Married 8 years.
1 Child
DDay: March 2012


Posts: 72 | Registered: Jan 2014
newbeg2011
♂ Member
Member # 31892
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lovemyfamily
You can't control what your husband will do now. You can only show him a truly remorseful and stronger person. He is on a long and terrible roller coaster ride. He will more than likely change his mind many times. But you can work on why you did this. It took me months to get to my why and brokeness and own it. My wife and I are three years out and still she has triggers but we are most honest today than ever. It can work out but you need to be all in.


Never forget what I have done to BS but don't let guilt make me quit. STAY IN THE FIGHT ! ! !
WS 47 me
BS 47 her
5 Great Children
DD 1/15/11

Posts: 213 | Registered: Apr 2011
Topic Posts: 5

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