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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Growing colder by the day..will that change?
sparkle09
♀ Member
Member # 41901
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 3 weeks since first d-day (admitted to EA 5 months) 2 weeks since 2nd d-day (admitted to PA on and off for 2-1/12 years) and I'm growing colder by the day! We have a 1 year old we were Hight School loves but I feel so cold and emotionless towards him. He can be crying to me pouring his heart out and I'm thinking to myself.. I don't give a fuck ab anything he is saying. I don't even want to go to my therapy bc my therapist is pro R. Do those feelings of love ever come back for anyone? I used think I could not live without this man now I can see my future without him. I have no income and a baby girl. I opened a business 4 months ago but no income yet we are not having to pay expenses out of pocket but not able to take home income. I don't know what I'm going to do :(

Me-33
Him-34
PA- summer 2011 until dec 2013
1 year old baby girl - my world
Together since Oct 99
Married Jun 2008


Me-33 WS-34
Pregnant & 2 year old sweet baby girl
Together 15 years Married 5 years
D-day #1 - 12/25/13 TT D-day #2 - 1/3/13 admitted to 3 year affair with co worker

Posts: 112 | Registered: Jan 2014
silentscream13
♀ Member
Member # 41693
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it can change and most likely will.

You are only a few weeks out from the original Dday. You are probably still in shock and at times shutting down so you can function for yourself, your business and your child. This is what I do to make it through the day at times.

He can be crying to me pouring his heart out and I'm thinking to myself.. I don't give a fuck ab anything he is saying.

This is me exactly at times. I am only 2 months out from our Dday and most of the time I cannot even feel love for him.

It is that small glimmer that comes back now and then that keeps me here in the marriage. That has me considering R. And his remorse.

My best advice to you (and you can take it or leave it, because I am a mess most of the time too!), is to wait. If he is truly remorseful and truly wants to save your marriage, he will give you the time you need to work through your pain and let you chose the best path for you.

I am sorry you find yourself here. But I have found this site so helpful in finding some inner peace for myself. I hope you do to.

Sending you hugs.


ME: BS- 40; HIM: WS - 40 (lostmymind13)
OW: TechnicallyMarriedEx-GF - 47
Sexting,OEA/NO PA (but was planning it before he got caught)
D-day - 11-14-13
Together: 18 years; Married: 15 years
4 Children
Apologies: I edit. Often.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nowhere and Everywhere
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I may not be the one to give the best advice as I am only 8 days in but I already filed for legal separation. It is not divorce but has same legal protection as a divorce and makes you start having to look at things like splitting the assets and custody arrangements which may give you some clarity.

There is never a bright side to this nightmare we are all living but at least your baby is too young to understand what is going on. My kids are the most important thing to me and I wish I could take away their hurt.

Best of luck sparkle. Truthfully I think it is better to get colder than to feel the pain.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 207 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
PurpleLilac
♀ New Member
Member # 42031
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by PurpleLilac at 12:24 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)]


Me-BS
Him-WH

Posts: 36 | Registered: Jan 2014
Newme123
♀ Member
Member # 41119
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is called a rollercoaster for a reason. I am 15 months out and I can tell you I went through periods of desperately clinging to my wh and feeling so bad for his pain. Yes it is pain of his own doing but pain nonthe less. I also had periods where I would yell and scream and call him horrible, horrible things. He would be on the floor crying his eyes out, snot dripping down his nose saying how he hated himself and wanted to die. And I am ashamed to say this but there were times especially in the beginning where I downright laughed in his face when he layed bare on the floor. I feel for myself I was in a fog in the beginning as well. There are things I said and did that I have a hard time admitting I said and did they were horrible but I was in so much shock and pain I don't even know if I was able to wrap my mind around who I was at that time. Now that some of that shock has worn off I feel like the fog in my brain has lifted. I'm not sure if any of that made sense but I do believe what you are feeling is normal and won't always be. I think it is somewhat of a protective measure in the early stages. I also know it felt like some justice for the pain he put me in. Like how dare you lay there crying because YOU DID THIS, NOT ME! I know I said that as well.


Me-BS 33, him-WH 31
Dday 10-30-12 the day before Halloween
Married 10 yrs
DS-14, DD-9, DS-2, DD-5m
Currently trying to R

Posts: 74 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 5

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