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Newest Member: LoveBetrayed (45355)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What advice from SI has helped you? Please share.
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stop living your life with what ifs.

Find your truth and live what is.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
millienotboo
♀ Member
Member # 22415
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Re: mind movies....
Sometimes it helps to remind yourself that these are not happening now, they are at best memories and at worst your imagination


M-8 yrs together 11
Me-45 BW
Him-49-WH
D-Day 10-10-2008
In R

Posts: 758 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: South
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And when i first got here, just about everything Bigger has written

[This message edited by Chicho at 7:24 AM, January 20th (Monday)]


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2632 | Registered: Aug 2012
forgivingnow
♀ Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jrazz 10,000th post dated 7-25-13. Just bumped in JFO.

Tushnurse post 5 yrs. out dated 9-26-13. Just bumped in general.
"Know that no matter what your WS says, or does, their choice to cheat has absolutely NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING to do with you. KNOW and BELIEVE they the WS chose this path because they are broken, have poor boundaries, and felt they were getting something they needed from that AP that they couldn't find in themselves, in their M or in other places in their lives. Now if you have a truly remorseful spouse R is possible, and not only possible, but you have an opportunity to grow as a couple, and become better, stronger, and happier."

Re: TT
"Ask yourself, does the new information change where we are at the moment? If at the end of the day it doesn't , do your best to let it go." I don't remember who said this.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 615 | Registered: Oct 2011
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Ask yourself, does the new information change where we are at the moment? If at the end of the day it doesn't , do your best to let it go.

not sure I agree with this. It probably won't change where I am at the moment, but it would mean that he hasn't taken honesty seriously, from the beginning, and that I can't have.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5276 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
dmg35
♂ New Member
Member # 41552
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@SamanthaBaker..... thank you for that post it really hit home for me

Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: north east
dmg35
♂ New Member
Member # 41552
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Reallysad2012 thank you for this as I have only been focusing on the negative actions and words of my WW and not focusing on the positive changes she had and continues to do.... Thank You for this post

One thing i did to help myself was to keep a daily journal of all the things my WH did for me...things i noticed in him that were different...changes that he made. It could have been something as small as him noticing i did some stupid chore around the house and thanking me...or as big as him realizing how disrespectful something he did was, immediately catching it and changing the action. I wrote down everything. Then, on the days when i felt crappy, i could look back at this big long list of all these things and see, in black and white, what he was doing to make himself a better man for me.


Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: north east
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Let go of the outcome."


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Kyrie
♀ Member
Member # 41825
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've received a ton of advice from SI. Such wisdom!

I once posted about a bad scene with my H where I flipped out and became this rage filled, flailing, cursing thing - and at the time we were doing so well in R. I was so discouraged by this because I thought we/I had come so far and this seemed like such a setback. It was a repeat of the early days after DD and it was bad.

But wise sisoon suggested that I see those emotional eruptions as critical to the healing process. It's a way of releasing the pain - getting it out of my system, so to speak. He said it much more eloquently though.


Me: BW (47), WH (48)
Married 24 yrs, 2 teenagers
DD#1 01.20.12 When diagnosed w/STD
Told it was 15 mo. PA that ended 6 years ago
DD#2 04.06.14 Truth: PA was 2yrs/8mo
Separated for 6 weeks
Reconciling and healing now

Posts: 201 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: southeast USA
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All the symptoms of BS and WS and the 180.


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 209 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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