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Newest Member: lookingforhope79 (45081)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How do I turn this around
Dare2Trust
♀ Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TryingToReboot,

Have you talked to an Attorney to have your legal and financial rights explained to you?

Can I ask two questions (and you have no obligation to answer):

---As a long-time Realtor I don't understand: WHY did your sell the WW your home? This doesn't make sense to me; unless your were trying to hide assets for some reason?

---You stated: Your WW has had affairs in the past. Were you involved in one of her affairs....were you a previous OM of your wife's?

She is broken, coming for a long history of infidelity in previous marriages when she has been the WW. And now she's playing the same game with me. Her issues! Her problems


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6126 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
TryingToReboot
♂ New Member
Member # 42125
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sold her the house just before we got married because uncle sam had that great deal for 1st time home owners by paying $8,000. We were getting married anyway so it made sense. I meet her after she was divorce and was not one of her affairs.....

Yes, I have an attorney, but for the moment it makes most sense financially for me to wiat to file.... long story that I don't want to get into..


Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Grand Rapids
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Reboot)))

Dont even give her the opportunity to rub the om in your face. She's loving it while your slowly dying.

I'm sorry, she is being mean and heartless.

Is there another BS involved? Can you out the affair? Just for the satisfaction of seeing it blow up in her face?

Hugs,,,,,,,


Posts: 571 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
TryingToReboot
♂ New Member
Member # 42125
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No luck with other BS, the AP never been married.... I can't believe this is the same woman I married, I agree she's become totally heartlesss and mean. I'm becoming worried that this going to turn into open warfare. I know I'm ready to take her phone a throw it in the woods. And, I'm sure her goal is to get me out of the house.

I have to get my head out of my rearend and stop falling for her tricks.


Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Grand Rapids
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reboot

You obviously know who the OM is.

Have you ever thought of warning him that your wife is a wayward and he should protect himself.

I hope you reach a point where you decide to take control.

Because she is not a person worth loving.

Go find a real woman.

HM


Posts: 883 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
jb3199
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STOP ENGAGING HER.

You are already living in a hostile environment. She has shown you who she really is. Don't fall for her games.

Betrayed spouses don't *win*---they move on, and heal. So unless you are sitting on a financial payday that is just around the corner, I would be moving with light speed to get myself out of this toxic situation. You can't put a price on your sanity.


BH-46
WW-44
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D


Posts: 2054 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
TryingToReboot
♂ New Member
Member # 42125
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, I'm trying to stttle down today... I probably got about 2 hours sleep last night.. This is my fault, I should have never even spoken to her. But I let myself be fooled that she might still have a heart. She doesn't!

I realize now how toxic my living arrangements are during the week. I know she's playing a game with me to make me suffer as much as possible. At this moment she has very few buttons she can push with me, except the AP. And I really fell into the trap last night.

Going forward I will have NO CONTACT with her what so ever. I will stay focused on not engaging with her. My plan is to stay away from the home during the week and on weekends it should be mine....

One of my concerns is that she will bring her AP up here on a weekend to stay at the house. If (and when) this occurs what should I do??

I can tell by the way the AP acted that he is a real jerk, and is spoiling for some trouble.


Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Grand Rapids
TryingToReboot
♂ New Member
Member # 42125
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all....... I'm doing pretty good here since Wednesday night. Been hitting a home run so far with the 180 and except for tonight the NC too. It looks like WW is staying here for the weekend due to bad weather. I have the kids and we're doing good while staying away from WW. I'm feeling much stronger and more confident with myself and situation..... so far her BF has not shown up and I'm starting to think he's not going to..... At least so far....

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Grand Rapids
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

File a restraining order against the OM. He threatened you, didn't he?????

That'll keep him away and there is nothing either of them can do.

Also, kick her to the curb...


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 342 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
TryingToReboot
♂ New Member
Member # 42125
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@damaged71

I tried that today and the Judge denied it. Apparently the law is 2 or more contacts for non-domestics...... any way I have one now so the next time it will be approved. I sure it's just a matter of time...


Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Grand Rapids
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, but that is going to be HILARIOUS when you drop that bomb. She is going to be "cartoon" mad. Smoking ears and so on.

Once it goes through, tell her you aren't going anywhere. I have a feeling from what you described she will get violent. I would RO her too. House is yours then and she has to leave.

This is chess not checkers...


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 342 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
TryingToReboot
♂ New Member
Member # 42125
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree and am sure you're right. I can't help but believe my day is coming. I just have to keep my emotions under control and not react. That's the hardest part, I'm ready to go and grab her phone and throw it in the snow!!! But, she would they see the wrong side of me, which she has twice so far. Indifference that is what I need to project!

The bitch has now gone and put a couple of locks on some doors in the house. She's starting to hind stuff... I wish I knew how to pick locks....


Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Grand Rapids
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually I'm not proposing anything illegal at all but if its hidden in your house its fair game. I learned to pick locks a few years ago for a hobby. Think of it as a mechanical puzzle.

If you have some picks and very rudimentary knowledge, you can pick your first lock in about a minute. It's very easy. Once you know how you realize that locked door just provides the illusion of safety. A lock is so simple to defeat.


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 342 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please take what is valuable and important to you and get it away from the house...Get a safe deposit box at your bank, keep the valuables with a friend..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1206 | Registered: Nov 2011
TryingToReboot
♂ New Member
Member # 42125
Default  Posted: 3:31 AM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all, I've been thinking...... I think it's time to start being a "bad boy". By this I mean doing the things that piss a woman off. I've been "Mr. Nice Guy" for year, no strike that decades! Yes, somehow I do want my WW to come back, but I think I want her to come back so I have the pleasure of blowing her off!!! She's not going to have 2nd thoughts about me as long as I keep on acting needy. Instead I need to be unapproachable, unavailable and most of all unachievable! WTF, I have nothing to loose here, after all I've alreadt lost! Referencing jb3199, " BS don't win, they move on" . So, I guess what I'm saying is that I've had enough of this BS, I don't need the B in my life and I don't need the baggage she comes with! So it's time for a change, total indifference and better yet uninterest!

Yes, I've been drinking a little, confidence builder for me, but I think this is what the 180 is all about. Moving On, with confidence!!!!


Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Grand Rapids
Tren0R201
♂ Member
Member # 39633
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly you sound like a really nice guy and are going about it very "nicely"

Why aren't you divorced?
Surely any man wouldn't tolerate his wife talking to the man she was having sex with and being called an idiot?

Why would you want that in your life? In her eyes you are gone, she can bad mouth you like that in front of you, imagine what they are saying behind your back? You're ok with her driving all that way to see him on weekends? You're ok with her leaving the kids?

Everything else about being a bad boy and winning her back just to blow her off is just silly talk. Live in the real world, stop the game playing and make concrete plans to move forward with your life. One of you has to go. You shouldn't live like this.


Posts: 162 | Registered: Jun 2013
TryingToReboot
♂ New Member
Member # 42125
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, it's been a tough day. WW didn't leave on Friday like she normally does because of the weather and roads. She stayed over night, we had a arguement in the morning and she said that I'd be gettind served this coming week (at work). I told her I was looking forward to it. She bitched about a lot of other things too, and I fell into the trap and argued back. Anyway she left today to be with her BF.

I had a strong resolve for the most part and didn't show any weakness, at least not that I know of. But after she left, I broke down.... Very sad and feeling extremely vulnerable. I know one of us has to leave and she won't. So it will probably have to be me. It make no sense as to why I am hanging on, I don't even know what I hanging on too. I know she isn't worth it, she doesn't deserve someone like me. Instead she deserves the trash she chasing now.

I do understand that this is a rollercoster ride that I'm on and right on it's going down. What I don't understand is why I can't get this out of my system and find my happiness. It's like the world and life has let me down or left me behind. Yea, yea I know you'll tell me that I have to move on, get out and that I am in a toxic situation. And I agree!!! I also know that the sooner I get out the quicker I'll be able to heal. Also, being here, doing what im doing (in-home separation) is like constantly picking at a scap so it can't heal. But WTF I can't get myself to stop.... dumb ass!! That's me.....

Sorry for the bit of self pity, I'm doing this to myself. Well, it's time for me to convince myself that I'm doing th right thing and to regain my resolve. Continue with the 180 and somehow get back to NC. I just feel like I want to give up and try reasoning with her, somehow get her to understand how much she's f-ing up.

Guess I'm just venting a little. Don't worry, I'll be strong by time time she returns.


Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Grand Rapids
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok I apologise that I probably shouldn't be answering given my own relationship issues

But saying she'll get her friend to come to the house while you're there is cold. It as if they want you to be the bad person by kicking them out, rather than them be the bad one for leaving you.

Gain. The upper hand... Be strong....


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
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