I want to thank everyone who responded and I have taken everything you have said to heart.
I know many of you want me to run to the hills immediately but I'm not ready to do that yet. I am, however, setting some boundaries:
1. My home has to be inviolate. If he wants to act out with prostitutes or APs, he can do it elsewhere. This is my child's home and my retreat. Web cams are being installed at every entrance / exit.
2. He is not to touch me anywhere without asking.
3. He and I are not currently in a sexual or romantic relationship and he is not to flirt with me or approach me for any sort of physical contact.
4. The computers are being outfitted with filters and keylogging software. If he wants to use porn, he can find his own platforms for doing so.
5. I'm segregating funds for me and DS.
6. I have told my mother about the situation and she has been very supportive. (Shattering that mask you all were talking about.) I have told him I am no longer helping him maintain the facade of perfection with either his family or mine. I am *not* going to spread this information all over but I am no longer taking pains to praise him publicly and paper over his problems.
7. He no longer has my passwords. There's no need for mutual transparency at this point.
8. Long term: Regardless of how I feel, if I do not see a sober and recovering person by the time my child is 3, we are gone. I have committed to moving back to my hometown. And this is not bull. Lower cost of living, slower pace, cheaper housing stock and better schools. I get excited realizing how much further my pay will go once I'm out of Gotham and how nice it will be to have my family around to support DS.
It's just a start but it makes me feel a lot better. I'm going to make it. Married 2007. DDay 2008:CL Prostitutes
Married to SAWH "ActionsOverWords"
Wonderful infant DS
6 years of TT, hidden STD and false R.
Physically separated 4 mos+, emotionally divorced.
Detaching, recovering. Proud single mom.