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Newest Member: KevinTheAsshole (45445)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: love, trust, and codepenency
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was an "adult" break up. I know exactly what you mean. No yelling or stomping around (what ex didů), no gas lighting or blaming. Just two adults agreeing that the relationship needed to end.

I'm sorry.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4187 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
velveteer
♂ Member
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 3:40 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

G - I'm sorry to hear that this didn't work out. I know just what you mean about loving each other but it doesn't work - it's strange and in a way not that easy to know what to do.

Don't beat yourself up. You have been honest, and though you may not fully understand your reasons yet, you have at least been clear about your feelings. She needed to hear this and remember that her anger is a natural defence mechanism.

My SO will be angry too - I know it. But I also know (hope) that in time she will start to see things a little differently and understand that our situation, like yours, was simply two people whose needs and hopes for the future were not well enough aligned. You cannot do anything now about she feels - focus on yourself and take it easy.

V


Divorced

Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks C and V. I'm not sure what's in store for us. I have remained friends with everyone I have ever had a relationship with except exw with whom I'm quite friendly. We live in a tiny town and share lots of friends. I will encourage interaction with the kids when appropriate, b/c we will likely run into each other often. I will tell the kids about healthy relationships and breaking up and how to do it right. My youngest will miss her b/c they have similar hobbies, my oldest will be happy b/c she has me back full time.

I am just so grateful to have had the experience, been able to 'handle' it, and to have learned so much from her.

Not sure if this changes my attitude toward dating but I'm really looking forward to not doing so for awhile. Not b/c I'm afraid or over it - just b/c I can. I really missed my alone time the past few months. I just hope I don't bump up against the lonliness wall and start up my old negative thinking habits related to infidelity. This will be interesting and a time to really be mindful and monitor my mind chatter.


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
Topic Posts: 43
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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