Just read a good thread on the "whys".
It helps for understanding.
Basically Bdell, we didnt matter much "then".
For a couple of months he fantasizes about his coworker, sleeps with her, I confront him, and woolah, All of the sudden I am the "love of is life"!
I know we are just under 3 months from DDay, but he keeps reinforcing that I am "the one", "the love of his life", "the person he wants to grow old with", yada yada yada.
Either I don''t say anything or ask him why all of the sudden he feels this way. He claims the "scales have fallen from his eyes" and that "he never understood what he had until it was threatened."
Obviously, I am skeptical and watching is actions, but my questions are 1) does he say this so I don''t leave and he is scared/manipulative or 2) is it some sort of brain chemical euphoria/reaction that he can't control & will eventually fade or 3)it is a phase that all WS go through or 4) something else?
He has never been this vocal in his love for me, so these declarations feel a bit out of place especially after him pursuing another interest.
Input? Any one else have their WS react this way? Did it last the test of time or fade?
At 7 months, it has toned down, but the message is still the same. I think IC does help to start to peel the layers back so they can learn more about themselves and why this happened. Just a heads up, but you start to learn more about the person you married. You start realizing that many of the perceptions you had were incorrect.
[This message edited by ILINIA at 4:48 PM, January 20th, 2014 (Monday)]
I am realizing that, in many ways, I didn't know my wife at all.
yep, we have all BTDT. That is why I said my old marriage was over. It wasn't authentic, it was a sham, based on inaccurate info and deceit. I dont want that marriage. My choice to engage in a new marriage requires an authentic, transparent, healthy partner. And I evaluate these every day.
We don't celebrate our anniversary. We're in our 22nd year of marriage and we don't celebrate our anniversary. I hate the calls that we get on it it's like people throwing a party on a grave. I considered divorcing him anyway and splitting everything up, and then seeing if there might be something left. Cold-bloodedly, I thought that if he killed himself or if he died, I wanted and deserved ALL of the assets, not 1/2. So I squelched filing for a divorce unless I really needed or wanted one.
Don't get me wrong. I am happy that we're still married and are back together, recovering together. I love him dearly and he loves me as well. But I will never celebrate our anniversary again. We have another date we picked out to celebrate. And that is the date that we first went to MC. That's our anniversary date now, of our new marriage, which will be 2 years old on June 14.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
As for D then R, well I've asked that as well. Here's my post: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=503915&HL=39836
It seems it is relatively uncommon. There are a few on SI, but not many.