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User Topic: Do you cringe when WS says I L Y?
LadyLove
♀ Member
Member # 40664
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone else die a little inside when your WS says I love you.. when you know that they said it to their AP? I also cringe when he texts me that he misses me.. because he would say that to her too. I just can hear him saying ILY to her more often than not. I've actually told him to stop saying it to me.. which infuriates him. I tried explaining to him that those 3 words have been cheapened to me because he gave them away to someone else.

Don't get me wrong, I know it wasn't real love, that he was in a rainbow farting fantasy land fog with an old HS flame.. but he thought he meant it when he was saying it, he also told her he never stopped loving her. It wasn't real, but it's all still so soul-crushing. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he wouldn't say it to me during his 4 month PA with her.. Maybe that has a psychological effect on me.

I know now that he didn't say it to me during the A because he in fact did not love me. He couldn't have. I was the enemy, I was in the way of his 'soulmate'.. and whatever else he had to tell himself to make it okay to fuck her.

I have had a hard time saying I love you to him since DDay, 18 months ago (11 months of minimizing followed). I say it back every time, but I have great difficulty saying it first. He doesn't complain about it much, but it hurts him that I rarely say it first.


BW - 46 (me)
WH - 48 Ladyslove
Don't know if I can live with it.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Sep 2013
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't cringe, but it no longer feels special. In fact, I worry because it no longer moves me in any way.

And she keeps saying that she wants to have children -- WTF? Now is the worst time to think of that. I do cringe when I hear WW say she's now ready to be a mom.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
toomanyregrets
♂ Member
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I don't cringe.
She never said it that much anyway, unless she was prompted.

She sure didn't love me during the "A".

[This message edited by toomanyregrets at 2:49 PM, January 20th (Monday)]


BH - 64
fWW - 60

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 483 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont cringe, but i dont believe it either.

Seems rather fake now.

He does text me he misses me, a lot.

That doesnt faze or impress me much either.

I dont respond in kind too often.

your right, the words are so meaningless now.

(((ladylove)))


Posts: 612 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I do sometimes, because now it seems so fake to me. He was able to look me in the eyes and say it when all the time he was cheating on me with an old fuck buddy of his. I usually respond with an ILY too, but somedays I just can't make myself say it. When I do, I feel like a phony too because I don't love him like I used to before his A. It just pains me to know that my whole world seems to revolve around his affair and he acts like nothing ever happened.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
LadyLove
♀ Member
Member # 40664
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe it when he says it, I know he's being sincere.. I just feel that for me, like so many of us here, that those 3 words have lost their significance. Especially when freely and happily given away to someone else, when those words should have only belonged to me. That adds a whole other dimension of hurt.

(((hugs everyone)))


BW - 46 (me)
WH - 48 Ladyslove
Don't know if I can live with it.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Sep 2013
Gumdropped
♀ Member
Member # 40798
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too. My SO says that "nobody loves you like I do". He has always said that. Said it right thru the EA's. Now he says it with much more emphasis but it hurts. I know he loves me. But that's how he showed me ? By lying to me for 16 months? Sometimes I just look at him when he says it. I think he gets it.
It has definately lost some of its meaning. It almost hurts when he says it .......


Me: 56
Him: 60
Together 2 1/2 years


Living together 14 months
D day May 13th 2013
R


Posts: 201 | Registered: Sep 2013
RedRose
♀ Member
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely cringe. He said ut during his LTA, during MC after taking the A underground . . . I don't think he really knows what it means to love someone. I cringe because I think it it easy for him to say, whether it is true or not.


BW-35
WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jun 2013
scarednbroken
♀ Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. He says it like "look a bird" just habit.

I do cringe when he touches me. I cringe when he kisses me. Bc I have no idea where his hands or lips have been that day....

[This message edited by scarednbroken at 5:29 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 9

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