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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Fallout
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When does it stop.

Background my AP exWWS was one of my closest friends. our families did everything together. When the children were younger.hers especially

Of course when she found out about me and the AP well ...
Now other part is my BH started conversations with her after, and she was interested in persuing a sexual relationship with my BH for revenge purposes. Neither one of them saw it as wrong when I found out about the planning and saw the emails. Thought they were justified.
So in the end my BH made a no contact with her. Well she broke it on his BDAY.

Well her dad died last week, I sent a mssg when I heard her dad was not doing well, just prayers and strength.( probably shouldn't but myself I would of appreciated, maybe boundary issues there?)

Wel my BH just text and asked if I knew and I said yep last week he died, a mutual girlfriend had told me, I said I had mssg her and that he should too, he couldn't believe I would say that. HER DAD DIED! I am not a total fucking bitch whore slut, I am not.
Its a reminder to him that neither one of us can talk to her, the feeling I'm trying to work on, is. How it must feel for my BH to not be able to be free to just talk to her because of what I did

What I did too her and the fact I can't offer her a hug and support she will need because of my stupidity.

And the other is being pissed that I am being blamed for him not being able to talk to her because of what he did is my fault.


Its just a big fricken poo mess, When does the fallout stop! or add more poo to the pile.

All I want to do is give her a hug. Its her DAD!


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All I want to do is give her a hug. Its her DAD!

While I admire your empathy for her dad.. NC means NC period.
The last thing this woman wants to here is condolences from someone who had an affair with her husband.

Her thoughts could be..My dad just died and this woman who had an affair with my husbands sends condolences???
What more could happen.
I don't think that was a good idea..big boundary crossed there.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2532 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes I would say I was wrong or too reactive and sent that message , It was while her dad was in the hospital.

Its my BH who I think needs to , or would like too. I started the mess, he made a choice and took it further with her, he made the choice to make NC with her. And yet I think he should let her know he feels bad for her.

What a bloody mess. The people that are paying for my cheating should not have to be paying for it.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My opinion is you both should stay NC. Your BH for going too far as to plan a tryst with AP's exWW

There are always consequences to every action and choice you make. Good or bad. These are consequences for the bad ones. Sometimes we just have to let go of the outcome and pay for trouble we have caused


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2532 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You probably right in the NC for my BH, I already told him he should , I guess will see what he does, right now he is very angry with me

As for paying for my sins ,not sure I will ever pay for them enough. I know that's a dangerous thought process. Like my BH said today this is just another reminder of how screwed up I am.

I have to look at my children to remind me that, I can do some things right. They are beautiful, considerate, honest, loving, nurturing and protective children. They live and love life.
This I have done or at least helped them be this way. This is how I remember I have been successful. For they say your children are a mirror of yourself. Thankfully they have the good so far not the bad.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to look at my children to remind me that, I can do some things right. They are beautiful, considerate, honest, loving, nurturing and protective children. They live and love life.
This I have done or at least helped them be this way. This is how I remember I have been successful. For they say your children are a mirror of yourself. Thankfully they have the good so far not the bad.

You have also been successful at the hard work you have put in here at SI. You should be proud of yourself.
I am proud of you...don't let this be a setback for you or your husband. Stay NC and continue to work on your marriage as you have. For you, your husband and your children,


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2532 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, I appreciate the support and the ear.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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