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User Topic: This is worth reading
whatliesahead
♂ Member
Member # 27596
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regardless of how you are leaning about your situation I believe this is worth reading.


https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/cost-of-forgiving-infidelity


Me BS 57
Ex-wife 54
Divorced
DDay January 2010

Posts: 121 | Registered: Feb 2010
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Page not found when I copied and pasted?


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
whatliesahead
♂ Member
Member # 27596
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not have an issue with copy and paste. Have tried it several times.

Can't say what the issue might be.

As alternative Google:
rick reynolds affair forgiveness

Scroll to Ever associated forgiveness with a big price tag


Me BS 57
Ex-wife 54
Divorced
DDay January 2010

Posts: 121 | Registered: Feb 2010
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I'm copy and paste deficient. Will try and find it the other way. Thanks!


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rick Reynolds is a very nice man


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197952 | Registered: May 2002
creativecat
♀ Member
Member # 41728
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great article! Thanks for posting it. I'm a wordsmith by trade, but find great difficulty in articulating my feelings about my fWH and the A. Emotions get in the way. I love finding articles (and especially comments on SI from the "veterans") which explain how I'm feeling, not only to my fWH, but help me to understand my feelings, too.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Dec 2013
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for posting the link to this article.

It really explains the high emotional price the BS pays to stay with the WS.

Sometimes it is nice to have validation.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
scarednbroken
♀ Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much!! I have struggled with how to explain to my WH that to forgive him AGAIN will be just too much. I have been forgiving him almost yearly. He is a repeater. He always seems remorseful. Crying. Threatening suicide. Etc. I just can't forgive anymore. I feel way too empty.

Something that his home - the BH in the scenario felt that since two of the AP were acquaintances that he felt made a fool of. This is the case with me this time also. I have read txt msgs where he is speaking to his main OW and they say MY NAME when speaking about me (and what they say is very
Mean most times). She also knows my kids - works at their
School. It's so infuriating to know she sees my children and thinks about what she does with their father. That she has seen me. Knows who I am. But I have never seen her. I have no reason to try to. She isn't one of their teachers. Ok. I have to stop before I end up sleepless tonight.

Again. Thanks for the insight. I copied it and will be handing it to him...


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the link.

As I often do when given the opportunity, I read this to my WH. Fortunately, I have a WH whose daily actions show me that he appreciated the gift of R. Sadly, I will never forgive him for his horrendous decision to inflict such tremendous pain on me and my children with his disgusting A.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent! Thanks for sharing.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9710 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
brokendancer7
♀ Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. That really puts into words what a BS is going to have to deal with to R. It seems like all the messages you get are, "take the high road," be the bigger person," "love conquers all," "and be a good Christian." That article lays out what we actually have to give up (and they are not things anyone wants to give up) to try to continue with our marriages.

A lot to think about.


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 192 | Registered: Jul 2013
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for posting...just got around to reading this morning. Really does express beautifully how much BS's give up .... our beliefs, values and pride...to reconcile.

Thanks again......


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1703 | Registered: Mar 2010
BigMo3516
♂ Member
Member # 30487
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too have struggled for a long time with putting what this article outlines into coherent thought WW can understand. Great article thanks for sharing.


"Others often have an awareness of, or question, what we think we have been able to conceal or cover."

Posts: 258 | Registered: Dec 2010
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like this a lot. It shares much of what I believe about forgiveness.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6491 | Registered: Jan 2011
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

love it. printed off.

especially this: If justice is the standard, then the consequence of betrayal is the loss of relationship. Anything short of that is mercy, indeed."


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's


Posts: 5050 | Registered: Dec 2010
grownapair
♀ Member
Member # 33622
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. These are the words I've been struggling to find to explain to WH how it all looks from my side of the coin.


BS - me, 38, WH - 40
Kidlets 6 and 8
DD1 - I love you but... Jan 2010
DD2 - 5 Jan 2011, booted him out
R attempted April 2011, False R
DD3 - 5 Sept 2011, booted him out again
Dec 2011 - living together as a family
Jan 2014 - separated...AGAIN!

Posts: 162 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: UK
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing this; it articulates things beautifully :)


Me 44 (BS) Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995


Posts: 207 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing. It articulates well what I have been struggling to say.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
MylarPineapples
♀ Member
Member # 39570
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this link.


Me: BS, Him: WH, 3 kids
8/08: EA with former neighbor
1/13: EA/Sexting with Coworker #1
6/13: Sexting with Coworker #2

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 19

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