Once I found out, he has given me a lot of information, deleted her contact info, and sent her a message saying that he was married and that they couldn't be friends anymore since she was acting in appropriately.
I don't think he would have a reason to lie about whether or not anything physical happened since 3 years ago I had an affair and didn't tell him about it until a year later. It happened once after we had been fighting and he had said he wanted a divorce and told his parents. We ended up reconciling and I should have told him, but I didn't. I can recognize that the person I had an affair with was someone I had gotten close to for a few months, so I think that's what was happening with my husband and the OW. I can't believe whether or not something physical happened and they aren't telling me the truth, but have a gut feeling that it would have continued to escalate.
I'm trying to process through the information and my husband says he wants to move forward, but I'm scared I'm being duped.
I hope you both keep talking now. Be prepared that you may not know the whole story. Although it sounds like he's taking appropriate action now.
Have you done either IC or MC? Perhaps that would be a good idea? I think you are both going to have to work through a lot of trust and boundary issues. Learning to turn toward each other and not away to someone else when the M isn't "perfect". Maybe read the 5 Love Languages and work on showing each other more love? Just some random thoughts...
Hopefully someone wiser than me will come along...
Hang in there and keep talking!!!!
He says that she was just someone he could text and she would always text back, but can't give specifics about what they talked about or where she works (she's a bartender and I don't ever want to run into her). I can't understand if they were just texting friends and hung out a few times why she would send him inappropriate photos. I drive myself crazy thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't seen his phone and found out.
Honestly - if the conversation was that mundane and innocent as he'd like you to believe, why would he fake that he needed a nap on Christmas just so he could get some alone time with her? So they could text about politics? Beer? World hunger?
Would he really like you to also believe that the naked photo you found was the first one she'd ever sent? What are the chances - with ALL those texts that have been flying back and forth between these two since November - that the ONE time she sends a nude photo, you catch it?
I don't know whether he's given himself permission to break your vows because you did a couple years ago and maybe he feels entitled to do the same as you did, but no matter the reason, this is a hell of a lot more than just a buddy texting 'friendship.' A lot more.
And he has PLENTY of reason to lie about how physical it's become. He's no different than any other cheating spouse - he isn't looking to CHANGE his life, he's just looking to have some excitement on the side without being caught. Plus, why would he just HAND you the ammunition to put himself in the doghouse, or possibly face a divorce and division of financial assets when he doesn't want that? There's PLENTY of reason to lie.
Gipper (post above me) is right. Women don't chat about beer and the weather and then suddenly send nude photos of themselves. Your husband isn't telling you the whole story. I'm equally sure he knows EXACTLY where she works and isn't nearly as clueless as he'd have you believe.