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Newest Member: borderline85 (43161)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Taking Space
HealingSought
New Member
Member # 41795
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WB and I were in the process of trying to R. As of yesterday and specifically today, WB and I had been conversing about our next steps. It came out that he felt he needed time to "change" and get "himself together".

He is not seeing OW nor is he seeing anyone else, but feels he wants to really know why he did what he did, and has a lot of questions concerning his behavior that he wants to get answers to. He wants to seek counseling and just spend some time alone in order to build himself internally.

I asked him what this meant for us, and he assured me he wants to be with me, but stated that he didnt want to be selfish and request I wait for him, because he feels he doesnt deserve it. He told me to go on with my life, and that he would contact me when he was ready to move forward.

Though he's taking space for seemingly a legitimate reason, I cant help but feel like he's abandoned me all over again.

Anyone else experience this? How do you move forward during this period without expectations of an R, yet still hoping for one?


Me BG: 28
Him WB: 30
Together: 5 years
DDay 12-22-2013
A-5 months

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

healing sought-
As hard as this is, it is probably the best solution at this point. I think you need to focus on getting healthy, he does too, and if it is to be between the two of you, then maybe it will work out. But, (gently) it sounds like he needs to let you go right now and since you are not married, I would accept that if I were in your shoes.


me - BS (45)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"An affair is more akin to a mental illness than a relationship."

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1315 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
HealingSought
New Member
Member # 41795
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

-bionicgal

You're right. I've been in IC for the past three weeks. Looks like there's more I need to add to my therapy now. It just doesnt seem to want to end. One step forward, two steps back.

Thanks for responding.


Me BG: 28
Him WB: 30
Together: 5 years
DDay 12-22-2013
A-5 months

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Morhurt
♀ Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, that must be so hurtful. I hope you can take this time to really focus on yourself. ((Hugs))


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 839 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 4

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