I am wondering if anyone else is in this place right now or if you've been here and got through it to an even better place. Is this a sign that I am on the right track?
My happiness isn't back yet, but I am feeling better. About one month ago I decided to stop trying to force myself to feel okay about any of this. I stopped trying to force acceptance. Now, I think maybe it is sneaking up on me. I still think about the A all the time but the pain is almost gone. And I wouldn't say that I am numb, either. I felt that before. This is different.
I would like to be able to be silly someday...just deliriously happy...innocently happy. That is so not back yet.
Tested out my new feelings at the store today trying to buy a birthday card for fWH and had to put most of them back. They all said stuff like "you are my knight in shining armour", "I'm so lucky to have you", etc. I just couldn't buy those.