Mr. Bionicgal and I were talking about some of the details of the A this morning in the kitchen, and when he was telling about the first time he ever had physical contact with AP, and how he felt, I got super sad.
I asked him "How could you have had so little respect for me?" (seeing as this was early on, and he wasn't that foggy yet, and seemingly could have called a halt to things more easily.) He responded as he usually does, and then added: "I also had no respect for myself or I would not have been in that position."
And then I realized, the person he perhaps had the least respect for in this situation was the AP. So strange that you can think you are doing something out of "love," but it is truly the most hurtful, destructive, and soul-sucking thing you can do to someone else. And of course, the same was true for her. An affair is the antithesis of love; you are using someone, and putting that person's lifestyle, security, and sometimes even their life at risk if they are married, and particularly if they are dependent on their spouses financially (as his AP was.)
It helped me to remember that today, when we have been slogging through some gory details.