Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: About to be sick. Need advice.
brohl5
♀ Member
Member # 13440
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did not R, so I would listen to the advice of those that did R.

Take it as an opportunity to turn toward your spouse, not away.

I like this.


I'm not going to let this define me anymore. He's gone and I couldn't be happier.

You couldn't have told me in July and December of 2006, but there really is a life after this mess.

Breathe, just breathe.


Posts: 5641 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Indiana
smile_it_helps
♀ Member
Member # 17569
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No truly sad this is not something I was aware of.


me bs
him fws
19 years
OW was my best friend
2 amazing kids
finding happiness again
separation 12/27/07
let him come back 3/25/08
Just had our 25th anniversary.

Posts: 380 | Registered: Jan 2008
smile_it_helps
♀ Member
Member # 17569
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and she just put this on facebook.

In the blink of an eye,
everything can change.
So forgive often and love with all your heart.
You may never know when you may never not have that chance again.


I know block her. I am not friends with her. Her facebook is private so I never needed to block and I never cared enough to look. I guess she decided to share this publicly.


me bs
him fws
19 years
OW was my best friend
2 amazing kids
finding happiness again
separation 12/27/07
let him come back 3/25/08
Just had our 25th anniversary.

Posts: 380 | Registered: Jan 2008
hopingforhappy
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

. . . . because your lover might go back to his spouse."

See how ridiculous this sounds? Another opportunity to laugh at her patheticness. This quote refers to someone dying, not someone ending an illicit A. She is reaching here and it is truly laughable. Don't be drawn in to her drama. See it for what it really is. She has no power over you (she never did!) and no longer has any power over your FWH. It is just going to make her look pathetic to him as well. Have faith in your relationship now--you worked hard for it. I agree with those who said to tell your FWH about this. He will probably be annoyed, maybe angry. He should be embarrassed that he ever got involved with someone like that. He will not want to break NC.


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 19 years
DS-18, DD-14
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1225 | Registered: Aug 2010
smile_it_helps
♀ Member
Member # 17569
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks hoping for happy.

I can not believe how quickly all those old feelings came rushing back all at once.

I even started to think people are basically good again. Going through something like this makes you feel that all people are just out for themselves that no one is good. I stopped finally being so jaded. I started looking at people as good again. I actually thought this woman who friend requested me may need help. May be hurting.

I guess I'm back to thinking people are bad. Why would someone I don't even know do this for ow? She really looks like a nice person with a happy family. I don't get it.


me bs
him fws
19 years
OW was my best friend
2 amazing kids
finding happiness again
separation 12/27/07
let him come back 3/25/08
Just had our 25th anniversary.

Posts: 380 | Registered: Jan 2008
brohl5
♀ Member
Member # 13440
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who put that on their page? The OW or her friend?


I'm not going to let this define me anymore. He's gone and I couldn't be happier.

You couldn't have told me in July and December of 2006, but there really is a life after this mess.

Breathe, just breathe.


Posts: 5641 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Indiana
hopingforhappy
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

smile, of course those feelings come rushing back quickly. You were traumatized by your FWH's A. Trauma has that effect on you.

If I am understanding your story correctly, it could be that this person is just an innocent by-stander who likes to friend people on FB. (I personally don't friend someone that I don't know fairly well, but some people do that). Look at it from her perspective. She friends someone, then gets a message from them asking "hey, do I know you?" She then gets a second message implying something is amiss with someone who is in a picture on her page. At this point she may be wondering what is going on. So she goes to the person (OW) and says "hey, what is this all about?" OW, of course, is not going to want to explain it, but decides to blast you for putting her in an uncomfortable position with her friend. She may have told the friend some crazy story about you (I wouldn't put it past her.) It could certainly be completely innocent on the friend's part, not anything that she did "for" OW.

I would not take it as a life lesson in whether people are good or bad in general. Some people are good and you keep them in your life whenever you can. Some people are bad and you get rid of them ASAP. The trick is seeing the difference, because it is not always immediately clear. Good for you for reaching out, you should not feel bad about that. I am sorry that it turned into an opportunity for OW to take a shot at you. Even if the friend looks nice, she had to go--too much baggage came with her. That's the way it goes sometimes!


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 19 years
DS-18, DD-14
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1225 | Registered: Aug 2010
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All her ammo was 6 yr old memory. A key? She holds a key as an important memory? Thats all she has. She doesnt have years of love, family, marriage, kids, pets, travel, holiday memories. Growing past tragedy. Even that. .....Measure for measure, she never had much....Even if there was a stupid key memory. It was probably some bulls---t story he gave her.... You know he lied to her too. It wasnt proof of love by any means. Just a trigger......Go full NC. You should never see or hear her words after 6 yrs. If she contacts H, I hope he tells you. And why did this other person/mutal aquaintance contact you anyway? That was rude in itself.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 858 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
smile_it_helps
♀ Member
Member # 17569
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW put that on her page.


me bs
him fws
19 years
OW was my best friend
2 amazing kids
finding happiness again
separation 12/27/07
let him come back 3/25/08
Just had our 25th anniversary.

Posts: 380 | Registered: Jan 2008
smile_it_helps
♀ Member
Member # 17569
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for all your help. I did talk to my husband. He was calm and sweet about it not reactionary or upset like the past. I guess that was old trauma popping up too that I didn't want to talk to him. He could care less about her. He said he doesn't remember any key though. He said he remembers very little now from that time that it was just so crazy. I think I believe him...there's always that creeping fear that he doesn't want to hurt me by telling me now six years later.

I will block her and move on.

I have no idea why the woman friend requested me though.

[This message edited by smile_it_helps at 8:35 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]


me bs
him fws
19 years
OW was my best friend
2 amazing kids
finding happiness again
separation 12/27/07
let him come back 3/25/08
Just had our 25th anniversary.

Posts: 380 | Registered: Jan 2008
brohl5
♀ Member
Member # 13440
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is baiting you. Block her and do not look at her page. Don't fall for it smile.

What did your H say?


I'm not going to let this define me anymore. He's gone and I couldn't be happier.

You couldn't have told me in July and December of 2006, but there really is a life after this mess.

Breathe, just breathe.


Posts: 5641 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Indiana
brohl5
♀ Member
Member # 13440
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were posting at the same time, it seems.

I'm glad you spoke to your H and he was understanding. I completely agree that it is the trauma coming back. When OW reared her ugly head years later, my blood went completely cold. I thought I would throw up, just hearing her name.

I do find I odd that she sent you a friend request, but like someone else said, she might be one of those people who friends people she doesn't know. Makes no sense to me because I don't do that, but I have gotten lots of requests like that, from people that don't know me directly, but we have friends in common.

Block her and move on. And stay in communication with your H about your feelings. You won't be "all better" tomorrow. It sucks that you have to go through this again, after all the work you two have done.


I'm not going to let this define me anymore. He's gone and I couldn't be happier.

You couldn't have told me in July and December of 2006, but there really is a life after this mess.

Breathe, just breathe.


Posts: 5641 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Indiana
Ibelieveinme
♀ Member
Member # 11363
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Smile - it's me :)

I read through the entire post. Remember when everyone would tell us about hysterical bonding, fishing the fog? Well, these are real life terms.
This person is fishing, she is sad with her current situation like she was when she met a man that she can't have and she is gonna try like hell to get that back.

Why, why in the world will she not go away? Trust me, I have used up all of my energy trying to figure this out myself. I found myself doubting myself, my BEST judgement and we went 5 steps backwards and 3 steps forward. I still hear from the OW in ways that really perplex me and I am one tough cookie but she wants to beat me down. When I did hear from her indirectly or whatever and I in turn would beat my H over the head. How much are we going to beat them up? They have seen us at our weakest point in life. Your H is still there and you are flourishing. Don't let her get the best of what you both worked so hard at doing. There is always the devil that wants to take us down and they come in all forms of life.

I don't hate the OW actually, I thank her and so should you. In your mind if she tries to creep back into your life, thank her in your mind and move on. Somehow she has to give up and maybe she won't, but you can't view her as a negative. Be grateful for what you both have accomplished, realize you are not the only person that has gone through this and just look in the mirror and stand tall woman!

Oh, and edited to add. When she did get to me, she would tell me things that never came up and how in the hell do we remember what happened almost 7 years ago. She is trying to go back to a time that she was happy - she wanted YOUR life. Well, it's yours and your H's - don't let her do this to you.

Big HUGS to you.

[This message edited by Ibelieveinme at 9:03 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]




Posts: 1835 | Registered: Jul 2006
crossroads2010
♀ Member
Member # 30213
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe this woman wants to make real estate contact and OW provided names...she may just be stupid enough to think you can be one big circle of friends now...or she is fishing...6 years later...you never know when they will resurface.
I would just block her...I hate facebook...I could use to stay connected to some old friends, but whenever I get on I think about looking at her page to check on her whereabouts and any clues that they may still have contact..its a little obsessive...and I hate that I still have the urge to do that.
You are NOT stupid to allow yourself to fall back in love... that is to be admired and celebrated... true love with no blinders on...no rose colored glasses...it shows inner confidence and strength in my opinion.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Nov 2010
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't hand over your power to OW. She doesn't deserve it.

She is meaningless to you in this moment. She has nothing you want.

Ignore.

Live.

Go enjoy your husband.


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 47
Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
Heading for Divorce
3 kids: 15,17,19

Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.


Posts: 1022 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 35
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.