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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My WH "needs" me now
dovetool
♀ Member
Member # 37072
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay so quick background. My husband left me October 2011. We reconciled in April 2012. I got TT through the next two years about the affairs he's had. NOT the person I thought he was at all.

When he had left me I had been diagnosed with cancer. Had treatment and Im doing great now.

Fast forward to today. He has had a broken leg since 12/26/2013.

He told me today that I wasn't doing a great job taking care of him. He said that I was good the first three weeks but feels like Im dropping the ball. Why? He drove the kids too and back from practice the other day and one day he got up and made our new born a bottle here and there. I was pissed. I'm doing the best I can. I have two boys 9 and 10 who are very active in sports. THREE leagues each! Add a six month old, and a new house being built, a sales job, and over needy parents and I have so much on my plate. Not too mention that he came clean about every affair finally 6 months ago!

I'm trying. I drop the ball. Sometimes because I have too much on my mind. Other times because I am so mad that the person taking care of me during my fight with cancer was my 10 year old (who was 8 then).

He had no problem putting off my needs for 10 years or the needs of his kids. Now he has the audacity to tell me I'm not doing a good job.

AM I CRAZY!?


Me BS: 29
Him WH: 35
OW: 40 was a "friend". Our sons were best friends.
Married 11 years
D-day: 12/05/12
D-day: of who it really was 08/2012
R: started in 03/2012
True recover September... rough at first for me since I wasnt sure about

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: dovetool
Gotmegood
♀ Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, of course you aren't crazy. You seem like someone trying very very hard to balance an extremely full plate. Mr Broken Leg ......self-centered much? Have you reminded him how very well you understand how special it feels to have someone wait on you when you're sick and can't do for yourself? And that you'll always be so appreciative of that special little man in your life who was there for you?
I hope you get to take a day off soon. You deserve it.


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 395 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
dovetool
♀ Member
Member # 37072
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Urgh! It just hurts so bad! How can he think such a thing after everything he put me through!


Me BS: 29
Him WH: 35
OW: 40 was a "friend". Our sons were best friends.
Married 11 years
D-day: 12/05/12
D-day: of who it really was 08/2012
R: started in 03/2012
True recover September... rough at first for me since I wasnt sure about

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: dovetool
dovetool
♀ Member
Member # 37072
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you GotMe!

I should explain that during my pregnancy with our little 6month old he was great. Amazing. He took care of everything I needed, the kids needed. But Because he finally wanted to be here and was kissing my ass at that time so I wouldnt leave him, I'm now supposed to be my old self? I get it. Its been two years... six month since the whole truth... of him being the perfect little husband. Does that mean I forget everythiung else? Does that make it any easier? I'm truely asking because I dont know if Im crazy!


Me BS: 29
Him WH: 35
OW: 40 was a "friend". Our sons were best friends.
Married 11 years
D-day: 12/05/12
D-day: of who it really was 08/2012
R: started in 03/2012
True recover September... rough at first for me since I wasnt sure about

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: dovetool
brokendancer7
♀ Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I think we need a smilie whose jaw is dropping, way, way down. That's the one I would use right now after reading your WH's remarks.

No, you are NOT crazy! (And you sound like a wonderful mother.)


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 179 | Registered: Jul 2013
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to man up.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7347 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What?

What does he need you to do? How bad is the break?
What are the dr or pt orders?


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 428 | Registered: Jan 2013
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UNGRATEFUL. He needs to start practicing some gratefulness. And while he's at it, he should tell you how deeply sorry he is that he left you when you had been diagnosed with cancer and how fortunate he feels to have you showing him ANY care at all.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can he think such a thing after everything he put me through!
In a nutshell because it's still all about him.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1837 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A couple of thoughts...

Is it possible he's turning into an ass because his pain is increasing? That could be worrisome.

OTOH, if he's not really totally committed to R, kissing your ass will most likely build up his resentment level, which is definitely not good.

What's he doing to change - is he in IC and/or MC or is he white-knuckling it? There's a limit to how long a person can do the white-knuckle stuff.

Did he ask for anything specific from you, or did he just attack?

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this along with your already extremely demanding normal life. I hope it's just a glitch. I don't think you're crazy at all.

[This message edited by sisoon at 10:11 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9740 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 10

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