DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/then PA
In MC & Reconciling
I edit, therefore I am.
My IC taught me to look at that voice that we use to be down on ourselves unnecessarily as the "inner critic."
When my Inner Critic takes the stage, I tell her that she may say her piece and then leave. Then I banish those thoughts to a box in the corner of my mind. I can't help them from forming, but I can give them much less weight when I make an effort to hush them.
Inner Critic: "I'm so lazy - I don't get half the things done I intend to."
Positive Redirect: "Ok lazy thoughts - you've had your moment. I did x, y, and z well today and that's a good thing."
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
Awareness is key.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
I lost the stone from my ring shortly after dday and I was convinced it meant the marriage was over. We turned the metaphor around by replacing the old stone with a new and bigger one.
I've never been good at positive self-talk. Guess I need to really start working on that.
Something that I also struggle with is dropping a process if I'm not immediately perfect at it or it doesn't go the way I anticipated.
With positive self talk, I DID feel a little silly at first. It's like trying to sell yourself something you're not even sure exists. I've learned that it takes a lot of practice when it comes to changing a behavior, and that just trying it is what really gives you a boost down the path.
Give it a try. Kindly say the things to yourself that you know you need to hear, and don't pressure yourself to subscribe right away. Just treating yourself in a gentle manner may help you open up to the idea that things can be ok even when they seem to get out of hand.
I'm glad you found your ring, btw.
I agree SO MUCH with Jrazz. You really can change this about yourself and you will be so much happier when you do.
My personal battle was perfectionism and my IC helped me get a handle on it. I was watching a rerun of Modern Family yesterday and Clair was all freaked out about a family picture and OMG, the whole episode was me. My FHW was all, "gee, I have no idea what that might be like." Sigh. I am still a work in progress, but so.much.better. Now it's quirky, not devastating.