I feel stuck too. I don't think that WH has told me everything, and I can't move forward.
Married 29 yrs
Affair lasted 8 mos.
started reconciling Jan. 2014
Since then, my WH has actually been helpful with this. When I ask him a "detail" question, his first response -- which we agreed upon -- is always, "Why do you want to know that particular thing?"
This has helped me differentiate between details that I need because they de-mystify and de-glamorize the A, or shed light on our own relationship, or clarify something else that I remember or worry about, and those that are just pain shopping.