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Newest Member: manwhocantbemove (45699)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Details! Why?
♀ Member
Member # 41404
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crazyman, I'm with you. I don't necessarily want ALL of the gory details, but I want sufficient detail to know whether or not he is telling me the truth.

I feel stuck too. I don't think that WH has told me everything, and I can't move forward.

BW 55
WH 59
M 30 yrs, together 33 yrs, no children.
D-Day #1: 9/23/2013, EA 15+ months, PA with 34 YO business assoc
D-Day #2: 11/27/2013, OW, EA for 2-3 yrs (2005-2007), PA
D-Day #3: 6/6/2014, found the sex video
Status: Putting on my bitch bo

Posts: 122 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Washington DC
♀ Member
Member # 40937
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to have the details. My imagination was killing me. It made me sick at first but it's been easier knowing. It takes time to absorb everything.

BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

Posts: 190 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
♀ New Member
Member # 42191
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have asked him many times why he did it and if it was really over why did he continue to see her even though there was no sex involved and all I can get out of him is I do not know why I did it. He was working out of town. He tells me it was just about the sex. The hard time I am having is that he bought her kids equipment for sports. He took them to practice and picked them up attended games. He bought her daughter glasses and a bike for her birthday and was gripping every time i needed money for things where i was at. I have a few goods days and then i explode with rage. Trying to reconcile, but it is harder than I thought it would be. Just can't get past the roses at valentine's day. He won't talk about details of anything. He just says she was a sex object and that he was just playing along to keep the sex. I said that is was costly supporting two families, mine and his whore. I am debating whether to have the texting records pulled. Does anyone know how difficult that is?

Married 29 yrs
Affair lasted 8 mos.
D-date 7/7/13
started reconciling Jan. 2014

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ New Member
Member # 41447
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm currently working on a list of questions that I want answered in our formal full disclosure session.
When I first found out, there was some hysterical bonding. That didn't last long because if the mental images. I completly freaked and raged on WH screaming questions about positions, taste, smells, etc.
I can't touch him without a flood of questions and images.
Part of me wants to put light on every detail so it can no longer be in the dark and no longer jump out and scare the crap out of me.
Part of me thinks I might want to put WH's face through a wall.

Me: BS-34
Him: WS-43
Together 4 yrs, married 2
2 kids: DS-3, DD-18 months
First STD: 38wks preg w DS.
Second STD: July/August 2013
DDAY 1: Nov 5, 2013 admitted to ONS
DDAY 2: Nov 23, 2013. LTA is preg. W twins. Due June 2014.

Posts: 32 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ Member
Member # 42863
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish that I had been giving a choice about hearing details or not. OW shoved them down my throat to hurt me, anonymously sending me a link to her Tumblr page with doozens of photos, and then sent me email (which I SHOULD NOT have read, but did. My own dumb fault.).

Since then, my WH has actually been helpful with this. When I ask him a "detail" question, his first response -- which we agreed upon -- is always, "Why do you want to know that particular thing?"

This has helped me differentiate between details that I need because they de-mystify and de-glamorize the A, or shed light on our own relationship, or clarify something else that I remember or worry about, and those that are just pain shopping.

Me: 47 WH: 48
Married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus rising ONS body count
Status: currently riding the coaster from hell

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Virginia
♀ Member
Member # 41068
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sparkle - I posted my comment on the wrong topic! That's what I get for multitasking. Sorry for your pain. I know it's so difficult. Here's what I meant to say to you:
It's awful, all of this! My perspective is a little different though. I needed to know the truth. I agree with momentintime - better to know the facts and deal with it than to always wonder what really happened. I met my XWH out to talk 4 times after DDAy. He begged me not to D him. I told him the only way we could get through this is if he told me the truth. I was willing to try to work things out. Every time we met, he told me "That's it, now I've told you everything." But the next time, more of the story came out. (This is trickle truth??) I knew then that I had no choice but to divorce him. He was lying to me, and still protecting the OW. I knew I could never trust my WH again if he did not come clean and tell me the truth. Our D was final in Jan. I have never regretted my decision to D him. I deserve to find someone who values me, respects me and loves me. I don't want to be with someone who lies to me, cheats on me, and makes a fool of me. My 4 children have all told me, separately, how much they admire me for having the courage to walk away. I know everyone is different, but I'm not sure why someone wouldn't want to know the truth. It's all very painful, but not knowing the details doesn't mean their behavior didn't happen.

Posts: 112 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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