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Newest Member: Everythingsucks1 (45359)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Thoughts of today
Hurtbetrayed
♀ New Member
Member # 42027
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After the DDay and finding out we were expecting on same day. Life has been so hard to continue with this marriage and hope to go back to our happy life we once had. Or Walk away with my kids and try to move on? I realize moving on a dealing in the future with someone new and that will accept my kids is not a future I look forward to. I will sit and stick it out hope he is who he once was and continues treatment and to stay sober as he did for few years (this time being until I die) he has no control with alcohol. Well, all this stress and thinking I do realize he's human imperfect, but I know he's a good man deep inside. We have accomplished do much in so little time.

A few week ago we found out heartbeat on fetus had stopped. I had a D&C and now I'm recovering at home. Having him by my side upsets me. Yet comforts me to have him near me helping and supportive. We always work so good as a team. I know from when we met til now he's changed for the better. Friends have told me and his parents mention in how much he's changed and how much good he does now. I thought having this baby would keep us together. I now realize what I feel and what I want is what will keep us together.

I know for a reason God placed me in his life to help guide him to be a better man. I know God placed him in my life to make me a better woman and to be with my children. Might sound corny and maybe over the top. How could this be? I just know it.

Not everyday is like this, but maybe one day I won't hurt so much that Ill be able to think happy thoughts forever.

As I said today this is how good I feel. Not everyday is good, but bad with a worry feeling, a mind full of doubt and a heart full of pain. I should feel more sad for our loss, but I don't. I'm more greatful for the kids I do have and healthy. It's such a confusing moment.


Me: 34
Him: 35

Kids- 2 ours
3 from previous relationship (who he adopted)

DDay- Dec.9-10

Married- 6 years


Posts: 21 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Hurt betrayed))
I heard the other day that sometimes the way God gets in our heart is when it breaks. Sounds like you have found some of this. I think you sound very strong.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hurtbetrayed)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10374 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for the loss of your child. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4935 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for your loss (both of them).


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Topic Posts: 5

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