Oftentimes we hear advice during divorce. The advice that comes to mind lately is the one where people say, "whatever you can just let go of makes it pass by easier. And sometimes quicker."
So I keep that in mind while I process information and papers.
That being said, there is an issue that I simply cannot back down on and I wonder what people think. This new year didn't bring resolutions for me, it brought band aids. The idea being for me to rip as many band aids off that are left of this whole mess. To get rid of the guy and things left "in between".
One of the things left, for many years, is kids. I managed a lot over the time I've been away from Si, but there is one remaining issue that, as I said, boggles, baffles and hurts.
While I've "let" the baby go to the rock that Perv and Mrs. Perv live under with his sibling, as if that isn't enough, the pair of them want something else. They want my kids to go their for their visiting without Perv even being present!!!! His influence on them isn't what I'd wish for, but he is their "father", so to a certain extent he has various rights.
But the second part of this new thing is that they were trying to do it without telling me, but I found out. As I get a little quieter and a little more devious, I find out more. It's ugly. And makes me feel like getting out Clorox wipes because, as kids say, he is so gross.
Anyway...sending my kids there goes against every fiber of my being and was hard enough to do this first part by letting them go in the first place. It's a feeling of always being pushed beyond things that go against my beliefs but because it's "legal" and "rights" now, his NPD self "pushes the envelope". But I do understand that's how he operates and am more prepared for it and freaking out less.
So I wondered what opinions would be. I put it on the list for the judge. Ironically, Perv said, "oh that would be good for mediation." No. A judge. Why bother spending the time with it in mediation? It's just plain no for me.
His defense: "well, if you get to know OW, she won't be a stranger." and then "well, I had to let our other kid go to day care." These defenses were so far fetched for my thinking that I just snickered, saved the message and replied that I would ask my lawyer.
Nothing to negotiate.
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge