Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: LadyS (45361)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Antisocial Personality Disorder?
Actionsoverwords
♂ Member
Member # 41949
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any WSs been diagnosed as ASPD or exhibiting ASPD traits? Were you able to R or did it not work out?

I asked a new IC that I was interviewing today to give me an honest assessment after a brief history of why I was there and he has a strong suspicion that I have sociopathic tendencies (lack of empathy, can't stay focused, easily distracted, etc.)

I am not blaming the label for my problems. I accept all of the pain I have caused for my BW. I was just wondering if anyone has any experience trying to R when the WS is a sociopath?


Me: WH, 30's
Her : BW, 30's, (determinata)
Children: An amazing son.
I am a sex addict, working on myself, and facing the wreckage of my actions.



Posts: 272 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
stilllovinghim
♀ Member
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But what if it turns out you're not a sociopath and just are normal. What then? Do you feel like you're a sociopath? Is your BS aware of the possibility? Have you two discussed how this may or may not change things?

I know that there are people on here who R'd with a sociopath and BPD and all other types of personalities, though from what I've personally seen it isnt often and takes tremendous work. R will take incredible work from both of you regardless if you are BPD, socio, etc.

[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 11:38 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]


ďYou have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.Ē
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
SlowUptake
♂ Member
Member # 40484
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always find it 'interesting' that IC's can come up with so many different 'excuses' for we WS's being selfish, entitled asshats.
Especially when they can see potential increased cash flow with a new patient who has all sorts of issues that are going to need lot$ and lot$ of sessions to fix.


Me:WS,50+
Her:BS,50+ (WantToWakeUp)
Married 33yrs
Dday Dec 2009

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras

There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Limbo in Oz
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband is personality disordered. He's got a complex constellation of disorder, which is largely antisocial, but with additional features.

Please be careful of IC diagnoses. The diagnosis of personality disorder is tricky, and really is best left to those who specialize in it.

When in the throes of and aftermath of infidelity, I think it's pretty safe to say that many behave antisocially. It does not mean they are disordered; it means they have their heads up their asses. Once rectocranial extraction is complete, most are awash in remorse and empathy.

That empathy is in short supply at the moment is not diagnostic.

If you believe yourself to be disordered, by all means seek out a professional who specializes in the diagnosis and management of personality disorder. It's important for you to know, so that you can learn how to more successfully navigate life.

But don't embrace personality disorder as a rationale for your behavior until/unless a really qualified individual has done a real evaluation.

(And I'd NEVER engage with an IC that made this leap during the interview process; sociopathy is not something to be casually bandied about as a rationale for poor behavior. If s/he said, "You don't seem to be experiencing empathy. Is this a recent development?" during a lengthy exploration, I'd be fine. But the leap from lack of empathy in the moment to sociopathy is gigantic, and not one to be made lightly. And frankly, I would not be comfortable with someone who made that leap quickly.)


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8848 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may be me talking out of my nether regions, but wouldn't a true sociopath kind of not care about whether or not s/he hurt the BS? We all have sociopathic tendencies but being a true sociopath is a different animal.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actionsoverwords - Any WSs been diagnosed as ASPD or exhibiting ASPD traits? I asked a new IC that I was interviewing today to give me an honest assessment after a brief history of why I was there and he has a strong suspicion that I have sociopathic tendencies...

As mentioned before, I would hesitate to put my well being into the hands of someone who, in the course of a informal interview, could come up with a "clinical diagnosis" based on what they can grasp from a brief history.

Do you have sociopathic tendencies? Well, maybe you do and maybe you don't and even if you do exhibit some of the characteristics, does it rate the clinical title of sociopath or are you really just exhibiting the more common behavior traits that we have within us to a certain extent? Traits that have been magnified to a degree because of the affair behavior?

solus sto - don't embrace personality disorder as a rationale for your behavior until/unless a really qualified individual has done a real evaluation.

HUFI


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Actionsoverwords
♂ Member
Member # 41949
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone, thanks for all of your replies. I just want to clarify and say that I am in no way shape or form blaming my actions in my M on any disorder, behavior, diagnosis, or anything like that. I am trying to understand how a WS with ASPD traits are able to R and remain committed. You all are right, one meeting is no way enough to make an accurate assessment/diagnosis. I am in the process of interviewing new ICs and asking the tough questions that I had been avoiding in all of my years in IC. Part of that is drilling down to my core issues and dealing with them in a proper way instead of running like a coward like I always have done.

Stilllovinghim,

But what if it turns out you're not a sociopath and just are normal. What then? Do you feel like you're a sociopath? Is your BS aware of the possibility?

I think whether I have the sociopath label attached or not, I know that I severely lack empathy and until I gain said empathy, it will always be a problem. My BW, is aware of the fact that I exhibit many of the traits associated with ASPD.

SlowUptake,

I always find it 'interesting' that IC's can come up with so many different 'excuses' for we WS's being selfish, entitled asshats.
Especially when they can see potential increased cash flow with a new patient who has all sorts of issues that are going to need lot$ and lot$ of sessions to fix.

solus sto,

My husband is personality disordered. He's got a complex constellation of disorder, which is largely antisocial, but with additional features.
Please be careful of IC diagnoses. The diagnosis of personality disorder is tricky, and really is best left to those who specialize in it.

When in the throes of and aftermath of infidelity, I think it's pretty safe to say that many behave antisocially. It does not mean they are disordered; it means they have their heads up their asses. Once rectocranial extraction is complete, most are awash in remorse and empathy.

That empathy is in short supply at the moment is not diagnostic.

If you believe yourself to be disordered, by all means seek out a professional who specializes in the diagnosis and management of personality disorder. It's important for you to know, so that you can learn how to more successfully navigate life.

But don't embrace personality disorder as a rationale for your behavior until/unless a really qualified individual has done a real evaluation.

(And I'd NEVER engage with an IC that made this leap during the interview process; sociopathy is not something to be casually bandied about as a rationale for poor behavior. If s/he said, "You don't seem to be experiencing empathy. Is this a recent development?" during a lengthy exploration, I'd be fine. But the leap from lack of empathy in the moment to sociopathy is gigantic, and not one to be made lightly. And frankly, I would not be comfortable with someone who made that leap quickly.)

To be fair to the IC, it was a consultation session and I laid bare to him the extent of my behavior (serial cheating, EA, PA, use of prostitutes, lying, deception to gain what I want, anger, lots of anger, etc.) including the role of violence in my life and my lack of empathy toward the plight of others (including animals) my entire life, not just with my BW. It was an issue way before meeting my BW. I asked him to give me his off the cuff assessment and that's what he told me. He of course emphasized that this is by no means a definitive diagnosis, just a shot in the dark based on what I told him.

JanaGreen,

This may be me talking out of my nether regions, but wouldn't a true sociopath kind of not care about whether or not s/he hurt the BS? We all have sociopathic tendencies but being a true sociopath is a different animal.

From what I gathered (Dr. Google) sociopaths are able to form intense attachments to people or objects and can be fiercely defensive of these attachments. Whether or not they care about hurting the BS, I don't know. I know that I care about hurting my BS and want to make the pain stop and turn back time, but that didn't prevent me from doing all of the things I did to her.

HUFI-PUFI,

As mentioned before, I would hesitate to put my well being into the hands of someone who, in the course of a informal interview, could come up with a "clinical diagnosis" based on what they can grasp from a brief history.

Do you have sociopathic tendencies? Well, maybe you do and maybe you don't and even if you do exhibit some of the characteristics, does it rate the clinical title of sociopath or are you really just exhibiting the more common behavior traits that we have within us to a certain extent? Traits that have been magnified to a degree because of the affair behavior?

I am sorry if I caused any confusion about my IC giving me a medical diagnosis. I asked him for his assessment after giving him a rundown of my background. I am in the process of interviewing new ICs and am just trying to cut to the chase when I ask for an off hand assessment.

The traits that I have exhibited have been present my entire life. When I looked at DSM-IV and V, I check the boxes for nearly all of the traits. I've essentially cheated either with an EA or PA in every relationship that I had so I am not sure the traits were amplified by the affairs.



Me: WH, 30's
Her : BW, 30's, (determinata)
Children: An amazing son.
I am a sex addict, working on myself, and facing the wreckage of my actions.



Posts: 272 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum: Wayward Side Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.