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User Topic: "Our" OW???!!
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been here on this site for a bit. There has been one recurring thing that gets my gut worked up and makes me want to turn away and cringe.

Referring to THE ow as OUR ow. For those of you who use this term, I'm so very curious why, if anyone wouldn't mind sharing.
Your choice of words? WS choice of words? reconciliation phraseology? What?

Personally, IMO, in my case only: this is such an offensive way to referr to the OW and I find it so disrespectful to the situation. There would be no way in hell I would ever give my WH the courtesy of calling her "our" OW. Like I would refer to our home, our kids our dog. Our OW? WTF? And if he continued to include her with anything that had to do with US...well let's just say I wouldn't be very happy.


Posts: 316 | Registered: Jul 2012
Clarrissa
♀ Member
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it may be like shorthand. Instead of saying "The OW in our situation" or "My WHs OW" it's just easier to say "Our OW."


BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49


All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.


Posts: 5890 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have used the term. I really have not thought about it. I guess it is to say ours as opposed to yours. I do not know if she is his, mine or ours. The other woman does not hold a place in our family, but she does hold an oppositional place to our marriage. So, in the realm that she affected our marriage, she is sometimes our OW.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1477 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We removed the possessive pronoun. She is THE OW or AP... Or "the prostitute". Between me and him, though, they are "derpy face" and "cootie snatch". At least, I call them that.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, lately I have caught myself wanting to write that, and questioned myself on it. Really, I think it is just expediency....instead of saying "the OW in our situation" or " my H's OW, " it is easier to say "our OW." The former is usually what I mean.

I can see where it would rankle, though.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1996 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
hurting7897
♀ Member
Member # 34761
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never used "our OW" but I may as well have since we were "swingers' and my H and I both had a relationship with her. Only I had no idea they had been having an EA/PA behind my back as well that started 16 years prior.

Yeah.


Married 20 years
Me-BS-51
Him-FWH-46 "healing4us2"
2 kids, DD 12 and DS 16
D-day #1 Jan. 30,2012
D-day #2 April 12, 2012
D-day #3 April 15, 2012
June 24, 2012--Decided to R.
January 21, 2014-Forgave him! Life is sweet!

Posts: 226 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: united states
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I used that early on and then it changed.

We don't use the short-form OW because that makes it sound like she was on the same level as me. The 'other' one, as in comparable to. She wasn't.

We say AP, because she was a partner in crime and destruction.

That's just the term we use on SI. The name used at home would get flagged on this site.


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think I have ever said "our OW". I don't know her and hope to never meet her, so maybe that's why I don't say it. Made me sick just typing it just now. The names I call that skank to my husband are not nice and some of my posts aren't either. So far I just make sure what forum I am before I rant.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh hell no!!
I never refer to her as our.. She's always the OW.. She has nothing belonging to ours.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A typo for sure or maybe sick sarcasm I have never seen that and it would personally make me throw up in my mouth too


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurting---yes you can legit use "our". Although I'm sorry for your situation.
Dixie yes!! AP not OW. I need to change that post haste.
Phoenix not a typo. Watch for it. Many posters use this! Yea baby throw ups for me too!

Posts: 316 | Registered: Jul 2012
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I've used it before on the OC board, because it's easier, for one, but to be honest her affair/relationship/obsession with my husband lasted less then 4 months. OW's obsession with me has spanned 6.5 years. She is still finding me on every social networking site known to man, all those years later. She's been a part of my reality much longer than she was a part of FWH's, sadly.

I would never call her "our" OW to FWH, or even let him know that I have used it. I never let him forget that HE is the one who brought this madness into our lives.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2283 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
fooledbyapilot
♀ Member
Member # 26349
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would rather type out the long form of my WH OW than say our OW.

Let's count the key strokes...my WH OW = 6

or our OW = 5

seriously.....I could never say our OW....OW is a **nt........

rant over


ME(BS):47 HIM (WS):50
WS Married 21 yrs together 33
dd#1- nov 16, 2009
DD#2-went out NYE 2009-found out Feb 2012
DD#2-Feb 5, 2010-date they had(found out Feb 2012)
dd#3 - June 16, 2010-broke NC
dd#4-Dec 31, 2010-broke contact
DD#5-Feb 21, 201

Posts: 187 | Registered: Nov 2009
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fooled--yes! I wasn't buying the shorthand explanation either. I think we all know that by saying OW, we know it's our spouses OW. I mean no explanation needed as to who were talking about. The OW would work too.

I still see that for some, there is a conscious decision to use this term. When I read it, I feel they are deeply disrespecting themselves. Like look how good I've handled this. I'm now able to call her "our" ow. It gives something to the WS and ow that they don't deserve, and takes away from the BS.

Sigh. I may never know.

Thank you everyone.


Posts: 316 | Registered: Jul 2012
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I have used this. It's because I try to be very careful about having my comments perceived as generalizations, and I want to make it clear that I am talking about my specific situation only. It's easier than saying "The OW in my situation..." (which I have also used).


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2231 | Registered: Feb 2010
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whaler yes I do get that distinction. And it's a very important distinction to make. Thank you.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Jul 2012
hurting7897
♀ Member
Member # 34761
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you cantgetup. I appreciate that.


Married 20 years
Me-BS-51
Him-FWH-46 "healing4us2"
2 kids, DD 12 and DS 16
D-day #1 Jan. 30,2012
D-day #2 April 12, 2012
D-day #3 April 15, 2012
June 24, 2012--Decided to R.
January 21, 2014-Forgave him! Life is sweet!

Posts: 226 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: united states
Topic Posts: 17

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