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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm thinking of breaking no contact...
mesoSTUPID
♀ Member
Member # 35679
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is OW's Husband's birthday. We were very close and had a friendship of many years.

I have been thinking of breaking no contact and texting him to wish him a happy birthday not because I really want to wish him a happy birthday but because I know it will ruin OW's day when he tells her I text. I am the BS by the way, before anyone freaks out on me.

I never told OW's BS about the A. I worried that he would leave her as this is not her first A and they have 4 children.

On 2/8 it will be 2 years since D-Day.

I have not told WH of my intensions to text OW BS. I am concerned that my texting him might give her incentive to communicate with WH. In reality, I don't know if OW and WH have really maintained NC all this time.

I don't know what I want to do...


ME (BS): 41 and so stupid!
Him (WH): 43. He's my dragon slayer but my heart wasn't supposed to be slayed!

Posts: 193 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Miami
hitbyatruck
♀ Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC is NC. Do not stir up trouble.

[This message edited by hitbyatruck at 12:25 AM, January 24th (Friday)]


Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3279 | Registered: Apr 2009
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been thinking of breaking no contact and texting him to wish him a happy birthday not because I really want to wish him a happy birthday but because I know it will ruin OW's day when he tells her I text.

I think it is a shitty thing to do to OWBS...

Not only does he not know about the A, he lost friends and doesn't know why and now you want to use his birthday as a way to piss off OW?

I think it's hurtful and cruel.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3772 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No truer words than karma's were ever said, IMO.

BUT - if there's a positive outcome from breaking NC???

Nope, I can't imagine a positive outcome from your breaking NC this way.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9753 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is only one justifiable reason I can see for breaking NC:

Telling the BS the truth.

If you have no intentions of doing so, then it would be unkind to add more deception into his life.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto karma's post. You're screwing with the poor BH's head more than OWs.

By keeping keeping the secrets of your WH and OW you're colluding with them by your lack of action for him to live in a false M. So, already you've taken his choice to choose away from him, a friendship- he doesn't know why it really ended- and now want to use him to get to the OW?

I'm sorry, but this is pretty selfish thinking.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣


Posts: 10988 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She should have been worried he would leave. He has a right to know about what his 'wife' is doing. She'll keep doing it if this isn't her first go round. I feel very sorry for him.

What does having children have to do with truth? If you didn't know, would you want someone else to decide what's best for you?


Love leads to tears, tears lead to sadness, sadness to memories, memories to madness

Posts: 1686 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

don't do it

Posts: 1332 | Registered: Jan 2010
Topic Posts: 8

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