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User Topic: Help, please
Thinkingtoomuch
♀ Member
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Hi, AppalachianGal

I don't know everything at all, but what I do know is that sleeping in the same bed will not work at all. Not for any man. Mentally healthy or broken men. It just makes for continued confusion. Even if he was 100 yrs. old!!

I'd say that is one frontrunner of a reason your ws is saying or behaving the way he is. Not to forgive him, but it could help clear his (yours and his) brain some to help think straight if you each have different space. Even different rooms is important.

IMHO. Regardless, you're strong!

Hugs.


[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 10:36 AM, January 24th (Friday)]


Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2011
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Master manipulator. Playing you by your feelings. You want so much for this to not be true, and be back to what you thought it was.......He can manipulate you easily... I know. I am like you. We dont want any of this.. Once you see his games, and manipulation, that are just lies to get you to react... It wont be so easy for him... Breakfast? Sex? What does that change...See it for what hes doing. alcoholics are experts at this. desperate games. Then comes anger if it doesnt work... you can sleep on the sofa...You might have to leave....I know bullies too. there are ways to deal with alcoholic bullies. None are easy. You have more then one battle here.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 885 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is a crazy generalization. Men do not corner the market on screwing around, hurting people and communication issues

No, Im not saying they corner the market...Im saying the response is different and I think its cultural.

You know, men arent suppsed to cry...we tell our son's to man-up (whatever that means) but if our daughter cries over the same thing we let her.

Just an observation, the orginal part came from a man.

[This message edited by NikkiD at 10:48 AM, January 24th (Friday)]


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
AppalachianGal
♀ Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is all such crap. I am on an emotional roller coaster. One minute, I am telling him to get the hell out. The next, I am telling him what I'll need for R. I just went into the "bargaining" stage of grief for a few minutes, laying out my demands. Afterward, I was like "what the heck did I just do?!" I don't want him here and I don't want him gone. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I wish I could make the pain go away. Too bad that alcohol does not do for me what it does for him. I'd lay drunk now if it did.


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
RealityStinks
♂ Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AppalachianGal -
I didn't read the entire thread, so someone else may have already said this.

But, gently, you're sending him mixed messages, IMO. Telling him to get out, that he'll never touch you again, and then letting him sleep in the same bed??? That would tell me that you don't really want me to leave.

If you tell him to leave, then you need to Hefty his crap if he won't, throw it in the front yard, and kick him out. Letting him say when he'll leave is NOT how this is supposed to work.

I'm NOT taking up for him at all, but you are not "drawing your line in the sand" and sticking to it.

Hang in there. I know it sucks to be at this point. But, it's the best thing I've done so far in dealing with this.


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
AppalachianGal
♀ Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, since a few have said I had sent him mixed messages, I apologized and owned that with him earlier. He said, nope, I hadn't. Letting him sleep in the bed wasn't sending him mixed signals...... I'm at a loss.


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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