Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: jdubb80 (44703)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: the feared v day hotel bed
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

V day approaching psyching myself out for it since we will be in a hotel bed...a hotel bed just like the one he had his way with her on...trying to stay strong and see it as reclamation of him and really preparing myself to not think about it and focus on our time...I have shared these feelings with him and to protect my feelings he has asked if I would prefer cutting down our stay by a couple of nights...to me I would rather just put on my big girl panties and face it....hes MY husband right? I'm not gonna let some young slut bother me out of ever staying with my own husband in a hotel room ever again...after all it was US first...anyone else can give me pointers on how to cope...I know I can do this but just wanted to share...am I being too sensitive?


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I haven't had to do anything like this yet, but if I had to imagine how I would do it, it would be to constantly remind myself of the one thing OW doesn't have...and that's your husband, in bed with you on V day.

Score 1 for phoenixrise!


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have progressed. ... H took me on several trips post DD. Traveling was my favorite thing. I could no longer process. I just couldnt. I would spend the whole time extremely upset, on eggshells. I wasnt even sure why.. (I knew they traveled and went to hotel.)..I understood triggers, and yet I was frozen and upset. I spent hrs looking out the hotel window imagining what must have happened. Any Traveling is a huge trigger. I know this now. I accept it now. It makes me angry.
its getting better. I feel sadness, but I am in control now. Imagining what they did is one thing, to follow the blueprint, in person, is harder. Realizing it was a trigger, made it better, much faster....
I loved traveling so much, and we were going to other places, it made it confusing for me to see it is a trigger. Just know it is a trigger. Prepare for the trigger. It is only a trigger. ANd will be a trigger for awhile. Multiple stays, will lessen it in time. How do you handle other triggers? Some avoid. Some face them head on. Stay busy. A trigger is mostly your reaction. We skip V day.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 891 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first time we stayed in the same hotel he had stayed with OW, I sat in the bathroom and cried....eventually I came out and we went to dinner and talked.

As time went on and we returned to those places it became easier. We created our own routines, our own memories.....we had massages, breakfast in bed, we brought wine back to the room along with some munchies and had afternoon sex.......and eventually those places have become 'our places'. I used Wite-Out and OW is gone from those places now.

Life is too short to let some random hole deny us what can be sweet moments in our lives. You are not too sensitive...you've been hurt...but you will reclaim these moments...they belong to you.

Take good care of yourself and let your H know you need extra special love and attention this trip.....he needs to step up and make this a special time, for both of you.


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1671 | Registered: Mar 2010
Topic Posts: 4

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.