I didn't know how long it would last, so I didn't make arrangements for our kids (ages 3 and 2). Thank God there were there running amok so I didn't have to pay that much attention to how many times the priest mentioned fidelity. (The blessing is written in a book, and read aloud by the priest. Talks about fidelity A LOT.)
I knew it would be hard, had already cried before we went. I have been in a really bad spot for about 4 days now. It is so frustrating because I was doing pretty OK for the most part, for a while. But all of a sudden I am just back at square one, bombarded with mind movies, and so much anger and disgust.
It's hard to talk about it with my husband anymore, because it just makes him feel like nothing he does is good enough. I've told him straight up that nothing he does WILL EVER BE good enough, but that he has to do everything he can think of anyway. That even though him trying as hard as he can cannot take the hurt away, NOT trying would take a crappy situation and make it so much worse.
I don't even know where I am going with this post, I just needed to talk about it a bit. I am tired of talking about it with my husband. It doesn't go anywhere good lately, and I don't want to make things worse.
This all just sucks so much. I need a time machine to either go back before his ONS and voice that I am uncomfortable with how much he was going out so that it wouldn't have happened, or to go forward a few years to a point where I am in a better place with all of this.
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/then PA
In MC & Reconciling
I edit, therefore I am.
I made the appointment for the earliest date available at the time. On the phone I was informed that the Church does not do vow renewals, but a marriage blessing instead. I was bummed about the semantics, but I thought it certainly couldn't hurt anything to have our marriage blessed.
We are both committed to making our marriage work so I hoped a vow renewal would solidify it or something. I don't know. I was hysterical. Now I am just mad and grossed out and sad.
Kids- 2 ours
3 from previous relationship (who he adopted)
Married- 6 years
I've told him straight up that nothing he does WILL EVER BE good enough,
Gently, that hasn't been my experience. If you both do the work of R, you WILL get to a good place. As I say, it takes a lot of work over a long time, but that's the nature of M anyway.
I feel like I am faking a lot, too. It's hard. My husband is a big joker, and it's hard to be silly with him. :-(
I know how you feel. Even if try try their best its like they are doing the worse. My H tries to be a goofball and I try to laugh, But it's like I'm laughing outside and my heart breaks more inside. I know we are both committed to work things out, but it's not the easiest journey. I would of dropped towel and tried to move on, but I know mistakes happen and my children need a father,a family. If I knew or seen he was not trying I would of left. He is trying, but my hurt and anger are stronger than forgiveness. I sure hope that one day we are able to find a way to forgive them and have the marriage we deserve and want.
My kids are my real sunshine why I keep going and wake up.
I too initially wanted to do it right away. I'm so very glad I didn't push for it, because today I would feel like it was such a fake.
We've both yelled, retreated to our own space and cried a river...and I feel like we had to wade through all that emotion and stuff before it would feel real.
I'm not sure how far out you are, but be sure before you do it.
I guess once you are married you are married... though it would not hurt for the WS to do something special for an anniversary like a trip or something super romantic.
I will be approaching the 25 in just a couple years and even that makes me shake in a way... I want him to do something special and romantic, but not over the top.... and not with major family other than our kids.....no friends either. Maybe a romantic B&B or a weekend away or a beautiful ring to commemorate.... just confused about what I want right now. I'm probably not alone with that.
In the end it turned out not to be that meaningful, since like I said, my kids were running around and I wasn't really focused on it.
The saddest part is that when I started talking about getting our vows renewed in the first place, it was SO upsetting because I had always planned on having a vow renewal at 10yrs so I could have a party and wear a pretty dress again. And I was so sad and angry that I was having to schedule what basically amounted to an emergency vow renewal to reiterate that pesky fidelity thing....ugh.
I am 100% committed to our marriage, as is he. So I was not really worried about needing to be sure.