I was an emotional mess at 10 months, and that was with a truly remorseful WH. My life began to feel *normal* at about 24 months.
I am 3yrs 3mo from Dday and I still think of my WH A almost every day, but the thought is fleeting and no longer brings me to my knees. I think if you work through all of the emotions, process all that happened, and are living with a remorseful WS then things can get back to a new *normal* ~ every person must travel that journey at their own speed. More often than not it takes a long, long time to recover. You will read that it may take 2-5 years.
I believe what you are feeling is very normal. You have a remorseful WH, you state that you don't know what you want ~ I would give it more time.
At 10mo I wanted to D my WH, actually I wanted to destroy him, but today I am thankful that we are together building a stronger M. NEVER EVER would I have thought that was possible during those earlier days/months of discovery.
(((Confusedfor3)) It's going to be okay ~ YOU are going to be okay.
ME: 53 BS
HIM: 60 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.