If MC didn't work out, there are other tools you can use. Read Aftertheaffair.net...it's a very easy read written for the WS and is about $10.00 to download.
I know it's hard to not feel defensive...just count to 10 and take a deep breath when you feel your blood pressure rising. I promise that will help settle the anxiety down some. Certainly not a cure, but it will help to not let things escalate into a fight.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.