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User Topic: O.L.D. Conversation ticked me off
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been talking online with a man. We had plans to meet yesterday, but the snow hit. He called me on Friday night to discuss whether to meet on Saturday.

It was a really good conversation, but near the end he said "it's ok if you want to call me or text next week, but I don't want you calling or texting a bunch."

Uh, ok. That pissed me off. I have news for him: he's going to have to contact ME if he wants any contact. He must have had a stage 4 clinger in the past. This chick isn't one of them.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7694 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, that would have ticked me off too.

A bit presumptive and just rude.

He must think is so great you can't help yourself from texting


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 595 | Registered: Mar 2003
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He must think he's pretty hot shit that you'd be drooling after him.

Next!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13753 | Registered: Jul 2011
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't call or text at all.

[This message edited by littlefoggy at 7:20 AM, January 26th (Sunday)]


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 497 | Registered: Nov 2013
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I was all ready to play devil's advocate - but that was presumptuous and rude. Did he qualify that in any way? For example, I could understand if he had said something like -- "I would like to keep in contact, but I just want to let you know in advance that I have a project due so unfortunately my time is going to be limited over the next week. I don't want you to think I am giving you the cold shoulder if I can't get back to you right away."

Posts: 385 | Registered: May 2013
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah. He's getting nothing from me.

He doesn't get it.

I guess it's even more apparent because I have been talking with another guy that always initiates contact and is much more appealing at this point.

I was kind of worried about making a choice, but that choice was made for me at that point.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7694 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you otherwise have a decent feeling about this guy, I would at least ask why he made this statement. Granted, he should have waited to see if you were a "texter" before making the statement...

I kinda feel the same way, in the beginning I don't someone that is going to constantly contact me. I wouldn't say it that way, but if I feel pressure from the guy early on, it is a turn off for me.

Maybe email, "So, I need some clarification on something you said last night about communication styles…." or something…

I think there are a lot of Stage 1 clingers on OLD looking for "insta-relationship", maybe he has run into a few of them and is a little trigger happy in the "don't contact too much!"

What was your reaction?


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4153 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatever his reason, if that's a direct quote, his delivery is HORRIBLE.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13753 | Registered: Jul 2011
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He didn't qualify it with "working on a big project" or anything. It was a general " don't bother me" vibe.

I just said "I understand". I didn't really ask for clarification or more discussion, because I immediately knew that I wouldn't be contacting him.

Done.

Eta: yes, AMA- it was the delivery that got me.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 7:45 AM, January 26th (Sunday)]


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7694 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I totally see your point.

The delivery is crucial. He didn't even consider who you ARE before launching into "don't text me!" territory.

By any chance, is he new to OLD?

I just know in the beginning, I probably said a few things I shouldn't to decent guys. I remember one of my first dates, I said in like the second email, "BTW, if you cheated on your wife, don't bother…"

I've learned to finesse the delivery of that statement a little more now.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4153 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Yeah, that would offend me. I wouldn't contact him again. I'd be done.

It's funny how people can say the wrong thing and change the whole dynamic of things. (I'm sure I've done it too as well.)

I met this one guy from OLD a few weeks ago and I get the vibe that he's probably a really good guy. But he was sooooo over the top interested, it completely freaked me out. He texted immediately after the date and then he called and said that he was going to take his profile down from OLD and that he called his mom on the way home from the date and that he hopes this was his last first date. Holy cow!!!!
I couldn't talk to him much again after that. He may have been a great guy but he ruined it.

[This message edited by ruinedandbroken at 10:40 AM, January 26th (Sunday)]


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
dignityintact
♀ Member
Member # 32558
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you completely on this - I detest men who expect you to do all the running….

I think you made a good choice!


"Sometimes on the way to the dream, you get a lost and find a better one"

Divorcing - at last!


Posts: 94 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Uk
finallymefirst
♀ Member
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NEXT.... he's full of himself.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Oct 2013
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blech...NEXT!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Oh the Irony
Member
Member # 12354
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha! I've actually been guilty of saying something along these lines...hopefully a little more diplomatically. I don't want multiple daily texts from someone I haven't even met.


Two gorgeous boys, 14 and 8.
D-day Sept. 15, 2006.
Me, BS 43
Him, WS 50
Her, OG (Guess she is 27 or 28 now! 19-21 at the time...)
Separated. Divorcing. Happily working on myself.

Posts: 735 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: thankful for truth
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How rude and presumptuous! I would be so turned off by this that I would never contact him again. I don't care if he had a reason, he is a horrible communicator. You're honoring your feelings by dropping this guy. Ef him!!!


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5833 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not ever talk to that guy again. I'm done with people who have terrible social skills.

I've had to say things to people -- AFTER they'd been texting me way too often. But to come out and say that when you've not demonstrated that you're a creepy clinger?

Next!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3371 | Registered: Dec 2011
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep coming back to this, and keep getting more

I think what gets me is that he made it about you. I get saying, "I'm not much of a texter" or "I've got a lot going on this weekend, so I might not be able to text much" etc. but like phmh said, he made this huge leaping assumption about you, and made it about you!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13753 | Registered: Jul 2011
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, AMA!

That's what made me mad, along with the fact that he said the same thing- twice, to be sure that I got the point. Loud and clear, buddy.

I think he is another page in my book of weird shit that has happened to me.

Jagoff.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7694 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would send him a last text and tell him

"Goodbye"

Are you sure he is single? Maybe he has a wife and that is why he doesn't want you bothering him.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1347 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
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