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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: BH's birthday
helplessme
♀ Member
Member # 41598
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guys, Im sorry.. did I say something wrong or offensive? I mentioned being a FBW sometime. Im not trying to hide anything.

Please don't leave me. I need you guys


Posts: 69 | Registered: Dec 2013
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Helplessme, I've had the impression there was some cultural element involved in your story for some time now. And yes, you did mention being a FBW a while ago.

You talked about your husband saying something hurtful in front of your son as if he was an impressionable child, when in fact he's a 25 year old man attending medical school. To put it in perspective, I bought my own home when I was 25 without the monetary aid of my parents. I was an adult.

I'm curious how old are your other children in your home?

IMO, you need help. You need IC. Have you been reading any books to help you with your healing?

Your husband's behavior is concerning. What is more concerning is that you tolerate it. Again, there could be cultural aspects at play that (we) are not going to understand. But the name you chose for this site was Helplessme. That says something about where you think you are coming from. When you see yourself as helpless, you will remain helpless. At some point you have to do something for yourself to improve your situation. You are hoping the change is going to come from your husband, when likely it is not. This will keep you stuck.

Do you have any plans to improve your life for yourself?

[This message edited by DixieD at 8:11 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)]


Growing forward

Posts: 1764 | Registered: Sep 2011
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact that your H had A's (as in more than one A) is significant.

This would mean you are Madhatters. This would mean there is more to your story than just your A.

From what you described you do not have access to much in the way of counseling and your H "will not allow it". You may have mentioned this already but are you financially dependent on him at this time? His career notwithstanding do you have the ability to support yourself or begin supporting yourself?


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3664 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 8:38 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTF. This is a new revelation.
A very important fact that normally would have been revealed at the beginning.

SlowUptake...

She talked about it on the 16th of January, so because *you* missed it doesn't give you the right to get mad at her.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196518 | Registered: May 2002
helplessme
♀ Member
Member # 41598
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DixieD,

My son in medical school is 22 and still dependent on his father up till he finishes. My eldest is 25 but is a person with special needs (his mental age is half the actual) and my youngest is 17.

I am reading books and other references to help improve myself. I have 2 women bestfriends praying for me and morally supporting me. I am striving hard to somehow heal and move on with life whatever the outcome of this will be.

Brandon808,

I have a job and I am able to support myself if ever I live on my own.

Thank you guys! God bless.


Posts: 69 | Registered: Dec 2013
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a job and I am able to support myself if ever I live on my own.
Then please do not forget this. You have a choice too. You can decide this M is not for you. He should be just as accountable as he expects you to be.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3664 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HM, sorry I was confused about your kids ages. Having a son with special needs must add to your stress too. I'm glad you have 2 friends there who are supporting you, and it's good you also have a job and can support yourself. Hopefully this will allow you some options.

As Brandon said, your husband should be accountable for his own actions. He has a different set of rules for you than he does for himself, and that doesn't seem to be up for discussion or apt to change. Take care of yourself.


Growing forward

Posts: 1764 | Registered: Sep 2011
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My son in medical school is 22 and still dependent on his father up till he finishes. My eldest is 25 but is a person with special needs (his mental age is half the actual) and my youngest is 17.

I am reading books and other references to help improve myself. I have 2 women bestfriends praying for me and morally supporting me. I am striving hard to somehow heal and move on with life whatever the outcome of this will be.

I have a job and I am able to support myself if ever I live on my own.

This is all good. You have a lot to be proud of. You have people that love you and need you.


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1971 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
PrideFallen
♂ Member
Member # 42002
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

helplessme, to clarify my last post in case it was misinterpreted, I was trying to make the point that Brandon made much more eloquently - that you can be empowered in your situation.

I may have muddled the message a bit by acknowledging that there are - most unfortunately - places in the world where women are largely a the mercy of their husbands. Even if this isn't strictly true in a legal sense, I imagine that in many places there is cultural inertia that could make it feel true.

If you're feeling helpless, again, remember that you have a right to a say in your own future. I agree with Dixie that you should be making a plan for what you will do, actively, to improve your life. You don't have to wait for your H.


Me: WH, 40
Her: BW, 40
D-Day June 2013
Working on R

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jan 2014
Nest2007
♀ Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

inappropriate comment

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:20 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)]


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
helplessme
♀ Member
Member # 41598
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brandon808 and DixieD,

Thank you for all your encouraging words.

He should be just as accountable as he expects you to be

I agree, if things dont really work out, I have options for myself.

Mrs Panda,

Indeed, I am blessed I have friends and people who care for me. Thank you!

PrideFallen,

Know that I appreciate all your thoughts on my circumstance. I see your stand on "culture inertia", I understand. And yes I agree, I do not have to painstakingly wait for my BH if he insists on his own rules. I have to move on. Thank you

THANK YOU SI!


Posts: 69 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 31
Pages: 1 · 2

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