Undecided you scared me - I saw your name on this post and thought - aw shit - what happened!? Glad to read what you wrote!
As to being on my own. Some of it I really like, I'm planning my second trip overseas, hitting the bucket list when I can, and I go out on occasion with friends. Now, I work with women and children, live pretty much in the sticks, don't want to go to a bar, haven't seen a meetup group that grabbed my interest locally...and in five years I have not met a single man my age -- literally.
And even though my sister met and married from OLD, I just can't wrap my brain around it.
I look around (and maybe this is just based on experiencing 30 lackluster years of marriage, and seeing my friends' marriages) I not sure I believe I'm missing anything. From where I'm sitting the grass doesn't necessarily look any greener over there. So I guess, I'm going to continue to water my own lawn for a bit. Hell, maybe I'll join the redhats!
eta: no offense to any redhatters here! But I look goofy in a hat, let alone a red one!