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Newest Member: bigpockets (45700)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Moving on? When to date?
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My reconciliation attempt ended VERY recently with my exWBF; in some ways I've had the time since my first discovery to begin processing a change in how I see the man I was with, but he was still selling me a story about our future and his efforts in IC, NC with OW etc. that I was buying until the curtain fell. My own IC is big on 'feeling the feelings', but I am a bit numb most of the time and in shock, and really WANT to learn to think differently and protect myself from yearning for a lost cause. All of that takes time--I know that. Slowly the anger and hurt will get processed and fade.

But I've also recently (post-breakup) seen someone I used to have a crush on, who has interest in me also apparently, and our friends are talking about setting us up. I would really like to see what could develop there--it's not just a rebound, in that I know my crush existed before and now I'm rediscovering it, instead of creating it out of nothing as a distraction. As long as I'm mindful and honest and try to take it slow, can people start opening up to new possibilities before they've fully healed the old wounds? It's hard because of course I'd love to just skip ahead and get past what happened, when that's simply not realistic. And I do want the time to honor what I lost and mourn and repair myself. But I want to be open to new happiness and exciting romantic opportunities too!

Any who've BTDT and can shed some light?


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you're numb, it's not fair to the next guy to still be processing your feelings from the last one.

Take time for yourself. Allow yourself to heal a bit. There is absolutely no rush.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7811 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My advice would be to wait and work on yourself and heal.

I started dating my xwh very soon after breaking up from a LTR, also thinking it wasn't a rebound because I knew him since childhood and had had a crush on him before. Worst choice ever. Worst. It's not worth the risk imo to date before you're fully healed and at least past the "numb" stage.

Good luck!


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. Needed a minor 2x4 I guess...a 1x2? I will put anything new on hold until the painful thoughts of my ex have faded.

(deep breaths)


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 4

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