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User Topic: Dreaded, Upcoming Valentines Day
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally hate Valentines Day. Yeah sure, the thought's nice. Take a day and tell your spouse you love them, give them presents, wear supah-sexy panties, have monkey sex, go to a fancy dinner somewhere nice, blah, blah, blah. But it's just so commercial and...expected now. I had an epic rant about Valentines Day last year. Not going to repeat it again, so fear not.

My husband and I got married Feb 8th. So we made a pact once upon a time, to never celebrate Valentines Day and if we did, it would be totally cliche, and just a corny "bonus" of sorts. Last year, he walked in the door with a massive, tacky Mylar heart shaped balloon. We giggled, rolled our eyes, and ate dinner with the kids. Then shopped 1/2 off Chocolate Sales on the 15th. (Which should be the real holiday!)

This year, I'm doing a goofy little thing every day up to the 14th. It's free, it's silly. We're not taking the holiday seriously. What we have now, what we have been rebuilding, cannot be expressed on one single day of the calendar year. We live it and show it every day. We don't need assistance from Cupid. Sorry little diaper dude.

Due to the reason all of us are here, I understand how Valentines Day can be difficult for everyone. BS, I encourage you to not stress out about it. If you don't want to celebrate, don't. If you want to boycott it, feel free. If you want grand gestures, ask for it. WS, if you are unsure of what to do, ask your BS how they want to proceed. You BS's safety is paramount. Take their lead. We've dropped a bomb on our marriage and we need to maneuver this Valentines Day nightmare with grace, tact, and concern for our spouse's well-being.

Maybe skip Valentines Day completely and make a fun date shopping candy sales the day after. Rent a movie from Redbox on your way home. Veg out on the couch in front of the tv, and binge on your new candy stash. Make Velentines Day about your children. Focus on them. Make heart shaped food and desserts for them. Write love letters to them. If you don't have children, pamper your pets, or nieces and nephews. Or, don't celebrate at all.

Bottom line, it's really just another day. Society and the commercial world would have us believe that it's a huge, hairy deal. That you *have* to do stuff, you *have* to have or be someone's Valentine, that you *have* to receive or give flowers and chocolate. But really, it's just. another. day. You don't have to celebrate it, you don't have to make grand gestures, you don't have to stress yourself out about it, you don't have to participate in a "traditional" way. And whatever way you do or do not celebrate it, is completely ok!

Give yourself the gift of not stressing over it. Cupid really won't mind. Last I checked, he's in the imaginary league with the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Sandman, and Santa.

[This message edited by Aubrie at 2:16 PM, January 27th (Monday)]


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6048 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You mean these guys are not real???

But seriously, you are so right Aubrie. We need to show our love to each other every day in a genuine way. Not just one fabricated set aside day to make Hallmark rich.

That said - Am I getting GF something? You better believe it!


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3322 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You mean these guys are not real???


I know, I know. Rainin' on everyone's fantasy parade here.

That said - Am I getting GF something? You better believe it!
I'm sure she'll appreciate the gesture.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6048 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

have monkey sex,

I'm not even sure I know what this is, but WOOT!


Posts: 1210 | Registered: Feb 2010
Lowlow
♀ Member
Member # 38653
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by Lowlow at 9:39 PM, January 27th (Monday)]


Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years
Reconciling

Posts: 198 | Registered: Mar 2013
wario
♂ Member
Member # 20338
Default  Posted: 2:23 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BS wants me to fix Valentine's Day this year. The last time I talked about it to feel out an idea, she triggered and it got ugly. For me this is a fucking minefield. I'm finding it hard to even come up with the mental-space to think about it. So busy, so little time. Guess I just have to put in some boundaries and clear up some time, some mental space and do it.

Wario


Me: FWH 40
BS: 42
Married: 12 years
Together:19 years

Multiple EAs from the beginning, 1 EA after marriage


Posts: 186 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
1bigidiot79
♂ Member
Member # 40557
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm struggling with this too. Not sure what to do. I think I'm just going to go to her and ask what she would like.

I would like to recognize Vday but the other day I went to look for a card and honestly it depressed the crap out of me. How do you find a card that says I'm sorry I looked at porn and lied to you about it for 16 years, Happy Valentine's Day! Kind of puts all this in perspective and makes me feel like a huge steaming pile of shit.


DDay 7/23/13
TT on 3/5/14 - Finally came completely clean
Finally working on making real changes in my life, one day at a time.

Posts: 146 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1bigidiot, I know what you mean. For quite a while, card shopping grated on both of us.

May I suggest, you make your own. Craft supplies are cheap and in just about every store on earth. Write your own words. Or write her a letter. Whatever works for you. Making an original card makes it more of an effort from you. It's more of a sacrifice of love than just picking up a ready-made one. It shows extra care and attention for your wife.

There is also a line of cards called Hallmark Between You and Me. They're long and skinny cards. I've found many in that section that worked well. And I'm not just talking for Valentines Day, but for any occasion or "just because" moment.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6048 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gah, I despise this day. It's so damn commercialized and forced. We don't even recognize it. It's more important to be loving every day.


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5767 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got that right Girl! I remember you sounding off on last year's rant.

#resist #commercialism


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6048 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

#ResistAtAllCosts!!


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5767 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Four more days till chocolate sales!


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6048 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5767 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, every cloud has a silver lining

Four more days till chocolate sales!


Me 44 (BS)
Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
Children - two, mine from my previous marriage
Final straw 6/6/14

You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think (A A Milne)


Posts: 187 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
finallyfree2011
♀ Member
Member # 37998
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This year, I'm doing a goofy little thing every day up to the 14th. It's free, it's silly. We're not taking the holiday seriously. What we have now, what we have been rebuilding, cannot be expressed on one single day of the calendar year. We live it and show it every day. We don't need assistance from Cupid. Sorry little diaper dude.

Maybe skip Valentines Day completely and make a fun date shopping candy sales the day after. Rent a movie from Redbox on your way home. Veg out on the couch in front of the tv, and binge on your new candy stash. Make Velentines Day about your children. Focus on them. Make heart shaped food and desserts for them. Write love letters to them. If you don't have children, pamper your pets, or nieces and nephews. Or, don't celebrate at all.

Great ideas - thanks Aubrie!


Me - WS
H - BH

D day - July 2011 after a 4 year relationship with OM

Reconciled and renewed our vows on our 22 Anniversary in June 2012


Posts: 59 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 15

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