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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Keeping the A present??
♂ New Member
Member # 33744
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since my WBF is putting in the work, but also wants to "pretend it never happened" its a weird place I'm in. Its not that he's not open to talking about the A or anything like that, its just that if I didn't bring it up ever, he definitely would not.

Again from a fWH point of view, if he's "putting in the work," he shouldn't want to "pretend it never happened." I truly believe those idea are completely incompatible.

Keep it up! Him talking about it is good news, although words like "never" shouldn't be in his vocabulary anymore...

Posts: 33 | Registered: Oct 2011
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, and I explained that to him.

I NEVER thought he'd do it to begin him saying it now means absolutely nothing.

I think him wanting to pretend it never happened is a defense mechanism. If he doesn't dwell on it, then he doesn't have to deal with the awful things he did.

Its selfish really. It's not like I can forget it ever happened. And I told him that. I'm stuck with these thoughts forever, so why should I be the only one suffering?

I guess everyone deals in their own way...which is why I believe the R path is different for everyone.

Maybe I'm just naive, but I choose to believe that my WBF IS that great guy I fell in love with, he just made a terrible mistake.

I've always said that EVERYONE is capable of cheating, or stealing, or murder even.

It just takes the right circumstances in your life, and how you choose to deal with them.

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...

Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
♀ Member
Member # 40999
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to reiterate as of lately I have seen many saying he(she) made a "mistake". That word really bugs me. Their A was not a "mistake," this was a "choice" they made all by themselves.

I make "mistakes" all the time when I am typing. I make a mistakes sometimes when sewing. He(she) did not make a mistake when they took their pants(skirts) off and got into bed with someone else. Period it was their CHOICE and we did not have any "choice." It was s conscience discussion to commit adultery.

Posts: 51 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Modesto
♀ Member
Member # 42143
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right now I feel the same way. It's only been a little over 3 weeks since dday and I feel like he just forgets it happened and goes about everything like it's fine and dandy . whenever I bring it up he gets upset and says I'm throwing it in his face. But i feel like if we don't talk about it he won't keep trying.

D-day Jan. 2, 2014
Just married Nov. 3, 2013
My age: 22, his age:26
One wonderful son together - 11 months old

Posts: 87 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did this for months and he thought I was punishing him. I finally just came out and said that I didn't want him to think things were perfect and I have a fear that he'll forget it ever happened. He said "do you really think I could forget this? Look what I've done to my wife and our you really think this is something that slips my mind. I'm aware of it 24/7 but I thought our goal was to move forward". I said easy for you to say.

Posts: 712 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 25
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