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User Topic: Checking up on AP - does your spouse know?
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did early on. I know more about the AP than my WH does. I even documented what I learned and saved it. I haven't told him any of the details because he's simply not interested. I lost the interest myself a while back; the AP isn't worth the time or effort any more.

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 38261
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lost the interest myself a while back;

I'm looking forward to the day I lose interest in checking on her...

I tell him probably half the time I find myself compulsively cyber-stalking her. Luckily the frequency has diminished in the past several months. I think he finds it frustrating that I do allow her to take up any of my energy, he says he never thinks about her anymore. We're not all so lucky I guess.

During a conversation once about how I have a habit of comparing my life to hers and feeling like I am losing (since she seemingly gets to move on with no consequences while a year later I'm still waking up with nightmares and constantly assuming my husband is lying to me...) we came up with a list of things to do to distract/take care of myself instead of spiral into self-destructive and obsessive thoughts. It has things like take a vitamin, work out, journal, learn something new, etc. They're little things but still helpful to have a plan.

I don't say much but I lurk around a lot. Thank you for baring your souls here, you've said the words I couldn't find and you've helped me heal more than I can say.

Me - BS
Him - FWS, serial long term EAs

Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't say that I check up on her...but I do check WH FB account to make sure she remains "unfriended." I unfriended her on D-day only to check a few weeks later and see that they were "friends" again.. Again this was early on when the fog was really dense. I made him unfriend her and feel the need to check once in a while. Not much at all of her profile is public to non-friends so I can't see anything. She did send him a friend request a few weeks ago that I, of course stifled before he even saw it.

Also, she blocked me..I don't really understand why since we have NEVER had any contact. But whatever... I can live with that :)


Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are

Posts: 177 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fWH and I both agreed after dday to have no more secrets..

So in the spirit of that, I always told him if I checked on OW. But luckily for me that stopped a few months ago. I no longer feel the need to check.

[This message edited by whattheh at 6:29 PM, January 31st (Friday)]

BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 575 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 25280
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fortunately fo me the AP does not have facebook so I am limited in how much I can see-and this is good for me initally I would check in on her sisters facebook but she never had anything about OW on there -however the other day I went lurking on the internet and found her resume on an online website-I was able to see she has a new job, and has taken some time off-like 2 years from working. I don't tell WS about this-I feel too creepy and ashmaed I don't tell anyone.I always feel badly afterwards, why should I want to know anything about her-I wonder if there will ever cone a day I truly don't care.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2009
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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