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Newest Member: Btraydnfl (44881)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Part-time lover: article
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was an interesting read.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/28/living/online-dating-part-time-relationship/index.html?hpt=us_t3

Those of you who say you'll never remarry or cohabitate again, what do you think?


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds perfect to me.

Except that I am more on the every other weekend schedule with maybe a midweek dinner.

I admit, the nightly phone call and the idea that dating leads to "more" expectations, time, and shared responsibility is NOT appealing to me. BUT... I want something consistent and intimate.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5798 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
finallymefirst
♀ Member
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds good to me!!

Posts: 120 | Registered: Oct 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Works for me.

No nightly phone call. No schedule commitments. No sleepovers. No exchanging keys. I do NOT want another full-meal deal relationship again.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9625 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ann124
♀ Member
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting, I think that was my mind set when SO and I started "dating." I am the one that makes a point of stating "I will not re-marry." The article really doesn't make me question my stance but SO has. Not that he has talked about marriage ... I just find myself wondering.

Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess you could say that is where I am now. I am dating a guy, and we are exclusive, but it is really a part-time situation. And that works for both of us as neither of us want more. We want our independence, we are both very busy with our careers, we have both been through long term marriages, we like having our respective home to go to, yet we enjoy each other's company thoroughly when we are together. Neither of us wants to get remarried nor move in together. It really is the best of both worlds! However, it really must be the desire of both people for it to work. I have no complaints...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1081 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
better4me
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Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sounds ideal to me right now too. I can see wanting more if the feelings deepen bu the idea of all day every day? not so much.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3122 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sign me up!

Well, not for the service, but that sounds great to me. The last thing I want is another Needy Nelson wanting to hog up my evenings and trying to dictate all of my free time. Oh no. Never again!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3594 | Registered: Oct 2011
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is what I have been calling my FWB situation but better. We really care about each other but will never take this to the next level for multiple reasons. We are monogamous. What is so weird/wonderful is that I actually trust him.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1627 | Registered: Mar 2004
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can see the appeal, if that's what both people truly want. SO and I were/are sort of forced into something similar, because of the LDR. In hindsight, I can see how being part-time lovers (due to distance) gave us both the time apart we needed to process our divorces, and gave us enough time together to enjoy the hell out of falling in love. Not always, but sometimes I would think that I really did have the best of both worlds. I had the space I needed to rebuild the other parts of my life after my divorce, and am also in a committed, exclusive relationship with a wonderful man.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12146 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Bluebird26
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Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting.

I am not dating currently have no time and have my kids pretty much all the time. This idea would suit me

But I am thinking this probably 'new' strategy of dating has just really labelled what is currently happening with divorced people/singles with children anyway. People that probably can't really commit to much more of a relationship until it's much later in their relationship where the partner is introduced and children etc and families begin to blend. I guess they have just found a way to market it.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1331 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 4:54 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's great in theory. Both the relationship and the site where you can search out others of like mind. There are probably a lot of people who legitimately want a real relationship, but due to family and career obligations do not need/want to spend 7 days a week dating.

It may be that one party eventually "wants more," but at least you can search among a pool of people who claim to be of like mind. From there, you have to vett the prospect, but you have to do that anyway. Just go into it knowing that it has the potential for attracting a lot of people who really just want a FWB, or worse, married people who are looking for something "steady" on the side. (It's not as though the other sites don't do that already).


Posts: 385 | Registered: May 2013
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG!!!! This is exactly what I'm looking for.

I just don't think I can do the 24/7 living together thing, but I want someone in my life. That's part of the allure of my new target audience: Single dads that have full custody.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7615 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the real world this is very uncommon. I too was searching for something like this. As I have my DS every other weekend and half the summer it looked to be an ideal thing. But I never got a bite on an arrangement like that. Even with D women who had children of their own. If you can find it hooray for you !!!!


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5645 | Registered: Nov 2007
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll never remarry and I doubt I'll ever want to live with anyone again. Right now it is a relatively easy decision to explain without feeling like I'm rejecting them because I have very young children but TBH I can't see it changing even when they grow up.

I have yet to come across anyone who is actually capable of this kind of arrangement for more than a few months. Even in a FWB scenario. They seem to accept that 50% of my time is for my girls but kind of start demanding the remaining 50%. Then we're back to rejection.

I'm not a fan of OLD - this site sounds a little like a haven for cheaters who don't want to cheat with other cheaters, IYKWIM?


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5545 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, man. I thought I had found this. A divorcee who has her kids most of the time, and a demanding career. She only had two evenings a week available, and they coincided with two of my evenings. Seemed perfect.

But the texting. Sweet Jesus, the texting! I mean, I thought I was needy (or so The Princess lead me to believe), but I'm not even on the scale. She wanted me to text as soon as I woke each morning, for at least an hour in the evening, text goodnight as the phone fell out of my hand, and MANY times throughout the day. HUNDREDS of texts each day.

We dated for a little over two weeks, and I tried to convince myself that I just was a little cold after the 17-year emotional deep freeze of my marriage, and needed to get used to some human warmth. No way, dude.

One night while at my weekly jam session (I had told her that I can't answer texts for that four-hour period once a week), I received about 30 texts from her. She had worked herself up into a state. Thought I was ignoring her, had friend-zoned her, was pining for The Princess. By text #30, she was wishing me luck, saying she hopes I have "more courage" to accept the love I deserve next time".

My response: "Thanks. Good luck to you too."

I think maybe the problem wasn't with me. I've decided that the part-time lover may be a mythical beast.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1883 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

... and I have killed my OLD accounts. Fuck that.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1883 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I ended up marrying my "part time lover", we're on year 4.

When we met, it was a FWB thing because he figured he'd never find a woman who wouldn't want him to quit his job. And after being married to a controlling asshole, I wasn't looking to have anyone involved in my life enough to get controlling. So, we'd enjoy our Saturdays and Sundays together, and I'd kiss him good-bye and he'd be gone for 5 days, and..it just worked.

As we realized we actually really liked and loved each other, he was very concerned his job would be a problem. And, I have since earned the title "Least Romantic Wife Ever" because i had to tell him, I LIKE his job, this is what I wanted. I wanted to be alone quite a bit, i'm so introverted that it is ridiculous, so, I get all week to recharge, at Christmas, he had a month off. And, it was weird. He was glad to go back to work, and i was glad to kiss him bye. When I say this sort of thing, we get a lot of of people who seem shocked and say they love their spouse far too much to "allow" this. We adore each other. And, we like our time apart. It really is nice, it can be hard, but, it's nice and it works for us.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 8

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4485 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh...never read the comments to an article.

Good to know my marriage is just a "booty call".


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 8

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4485 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The article had a weird tone but I guess this is what i have. Saturday night to Sunday morning and sometimes a dinner midweek. Nightly phone calls 10minutes - 60 minutes, and a brief good morning sweetie text. Ample space to get on with life.


No serious discussion of living together or marriage. We've touched on it, but neither of us are enthused about that. We are both introverts and need recharge time alone. The only way we could live together is if one of us had a cottage in the back. But that's not being planned for. I've wondered if there is something wrong with me that I've not 'healed' enough, but so what if it is. This is what works great right now.

We have such consistently very pleasant times together and we love each other. No frills, straight forward. When we have to communicate difficult things we do. Mostly we communicate appreciations. 4 years and going strong.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5812 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
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