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User Topic: Letter to my WW
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I echo the others when I say don't send it. I sent a few of those heart felt letters and she actually said I was a loser, pathetic, I should just accept she has met someone better, to get over it and he's a better father to the kids than I've ever been.

It brought me more pain and gave her all the justification she needed that I was weak and her new man was strong.

I'm so glad you didn't send it.

You seem so much stronger than I was in the same timeframe

Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 721 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It could be that your STBXWW is deep in an emotional relationship with someone; it would be strange behavior to just quit a marriage after all you have been through together just to live alone in an apartment. Its unlikely she is by herself.

I don't agree with this at all. My exWW wasn't seeing OM (I blew that relationship out of the water believe me) and I still don't believe she's seeing anyone else. How do I know this? I've had conversations with friends of mine (their wives) whom have been out to dinner with her. She's made heavy duty comments to them why she can't seem to meet anyone and why men won't approach her. Yeah she thought she was "all that" becoming single again. My response? Well who would want to date her knowing she a lying adulteress who break up families?

Just because she ends things does not mean she's involved with someone. Like others have said, could be that she just thinks right now her life is better, she's free. In all, reality will begin to set in when she sees that all her friends are married and have other obligation over her like their kids, etc. She will get treated very poorly by other men who will use her and then she will realize "WTF was I thinking?" when they sleep with her and then poof on her. She'll be sitting home on Friday and Saturday nights with nothing to do but stare at a TV. Eventually she will regret her decision, but that won't mean she will be coming back. Possibly like my exWW they are so proud that they will never admit to it and try to fake it til they think they can make it. And in their minds they will still blame you because after all, you were SUCH a terrible, abusive husband.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 8:57 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]

BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On a more light-hearted note and being a female, I have observed that nature and women abhor a vacuum. Can't say I have ever observed a WW who has not walked out of a marriage straight into the arms of the OM. i suppose it has to happen occasionally; its just that the odds seem to favor the existence of an affair.

In this case your wife is making no attempt to discuss her future or much of anything actually. Just letting the divorce happen. On the other hand you tell us it was an affectionate, soulmate kind of marriage. Strange contradiction.

Posts: 1748 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your very interesting follow up postings. You are proof that there is a life beyond D Day, and your turnabout in three months is remarkable. I've followed many threads here and many seem to end before the final chapter is written.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Made; listen to Sean he is right. Exact same thing happened to me. Same letter. Same 3 ultimatums. Total heartbreak. Sorry but i fear ur gonna give her this letter and have an expectation she will snap out if the fog. It just doesn't work that way. Believe Sean and I we both tried. So did Abandad. It only leafs to more heartbreAk.

If u do still give her the note i really hope Im wrong and u r thd exception. I really do for u cause i see how u desperately love her

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ New Member
Member # 43236
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, April 26th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is exactly the letter I wish I could write to my husband. I am pretty much in your shoes. I often took my husband for granted as well, but like you said, sometimes we take people for granted because they are an indisputable fact in our lives that they are a part of us and thus will always be there. Your words made me cry.

Posts: 39 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: East Coast
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, April 26th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just noticed this thread was still going. I do appreciate the feedback, and yeah, I never sent this to her. It was from the guidance of this site that I did not, and I'm thankful you spared me the pain. Here we are, nearly 3 months from when I originally wrote the letter and started this post, and I do see things so differently. I can read the words I wrote and see someone in extraordinary pain, but all the same, trying to give power for my future to someone who caused that extraordinary pain. It's natural at JFO to think "but this was us. We are different. This isn't the way it was supposed to go." You may be right in that you, the betrayed, really did give your all, your love, you trust. The wayward just showed he or she didn't deserve that.

I am not "happy" about it, but I'm making peace with the fact that D is the answer for me. I need to move on since, after all, she moved on before telling me. Whether or not she's currently with someone just flat doesn't matter. She's someone I used to know. There was a kind, caring, loving and true person there once, that I know. I still love that woman very much. That woman, however, is gone. The physical and soulless clone that walked out the door on d-day was not my wife. I don't want that person back. I want nothing at all to do with any person who could do what she did so heartlessly and selfishly. I am divorcing her because I deserve better, and I deserve to be happy. I get neither by begging and pleading to this shell of my former wife to come back into my life. I will always miss who she was, and who she was may emerge again. I doubt it until she takes a long look in the mirror and gets help, but that's not my issue anymore. She may wake up one day and realize she threw away the best thing to ever happen to her. If she does, then maybe she'll have a small taste of what she did to me - when you reach for someone you love when you need them most, and they're not there.

As for me, I'll be moving on to a brighter and happier future one step at a time. Peace and strength to you all.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1225 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, April 26th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven't always posted but been reading your threads since the beginning. Wishing you peace through the end of this chapter into your next .



25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2200 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, April 26th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you! Wishing you peace as well.


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1225 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
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