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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wow so much at once.....
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all,
My W's downward spiral began with a blow to her perceived value. It was a lay off at work. This was such a tremendous blow to her sense of self it started the walk toward Depression and her self-destructive thought processes, ending in the affair. Well this week, lay offs at work. Here comes the AXE, plus Grandmother in hospice making the slow walk to her demise.
Worried, you bet.
But not about family finances, or impact of layoff. But rather HER..
How do I know she is different, more capable?
Actions!
She called to tell me she was terminated, could I watch our DS Thursday because she scheduled a emergency apt with IC. And she moved TOWARD me. Tears, frustrations, worries, hugs, kisses. She is different, She is more capable, She is protecting us , Herself, and focused on what's important. Our family.
Blessed to be in a different marriage with an authentic W.

[This message edited by lordhasaplan? at 8:10 AM, January 30th (Thursday)]


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1919 | Registered: Nov 2010
obliquestrat
♂ Member
Member # 42165
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love to see good stories too, thanks for sharing it!


ME: BS 36 - HER: WS 33
TOGETHER: 2001 - MARRIED: 2008 - KIDS: 2 (3 and 1)
D-DAY: 1/6/2014 (accidentally discovered 3M EA which had developed into sexting, makeouts, tickets for biz trip to Disneyworld)
R, IC, MC, NC (coworker)

Posts: 109 | Registered: Jan 2014
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is great that your W moved toward you, not away. Her actions do sound like those of an authentic person and wife. Sorry that she was laid off, though, that is always hurtful, it shouldn't be, but it just is.

eta: so sorry about Grandma. Sending wishes of peace and serenity to dear Grandma. And your whole family, lordhasaplan.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 8:27 AM, January 30th (Thursday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9949 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Shayna71
♀ Member
Member # 42105
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing this. I scour these sites looking for posts just like yours. I'll pray that your wife gets a better, more fulfilling job soon and with your help can deal with her grandma


Me: BW 46
Him: WH 42
3 month EA and PA w/a mutual friend
DDay 09/20/2013
Married over 20 years
DS 26, DS, 19 DD, 18
Currently in R

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Indiana
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all,
Sister, My DS is 11 and he has gotten very attached to great grandma the last 4 years. They are play partners and snuggle buddies. I think this is going to be hardest on him. Anyone who lives to the ripe old age of 90 deserves to go in peace on their terms. As much as it sucks I think my job is getting him to understand and accept this fact, while teaching him to voice his feelings through this time.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1919 | Registered: Nov 2010
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The lay off sucks, but I'm with you on this.

Under times of stress we usually revert to old, often dysfunctional, behaviors. Going to new behavior under stress really is a change.

I wish you and your W the best. I hope you help her keep in mind that she's valuable because she's a human being, not because someone pays her to do a job.

Even so, I hope her next job is better than the one that went away.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10570 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Sisoon.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1919 | Registered: Nov 2010
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So very sorry for your loss, but grateful to read how your W has learned to turn toward you in stressful times. This has been an ongoing topic for us. Glad to see it can actually work!!!! Good for you both!!!!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 734 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks still standing


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1919 | Registered: Nov 2010
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2665 | Registered: Aug 2012
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's wonderful. Not the lay-off nor the news about her Grandfather, of course, but that she immediately took control of what she needed to do and moved firmly towards you. I feel for your son. Losing my MIL was so hard on my nephew because his Grandmother was who he went to see every day after school.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5063 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
creativecat
♀ Member
Member # 41728
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((lordhasaplan AND Mrs. lordhasaplan))

So sorry you are going through more difficulties. It's always something, isn't it? The only thing we can control is how we react and behave to the things we encounter. And it's so nice to hear how your W is turning to you, recognizing her stress levels and seeking help from IC, and overall choosing better coping methods.

Peace and blessings to you all.


Posts: 89 | Registered: Dec 2013
LAFA
♂ Member
Member # 31868
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to hear of your loss, but very happy that you know your W is moving in the right direction. You have always been an inspiration here, level headed and helping other folks along the way. All the best to you and your family.


When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 197 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Topic Posts: 13

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